AbsolutRachel

Heavy

2011-04-20T01:31:00.000-04:00

If you are looking to read something all sunshiney and full of rainbows, you might want to skip this blog. I'm in a funk, and I am going to funking talk about it :p

There has been a lot on my mind lately. Lots of things to do, things that I need to get ready to do, things that I should have done already and have not. I'm fine, really, just bogged down with a lot of shit on my mind, and having troubne organizing all that shit and handling it in an effective way, if that makes sense.

My strange ability to remember birthdays, anniversarys and the like has not been handy this year. It has caused me more grief than good. Seem's like every time I turn around it's been ten years since this happenned, or someone would be having a birthday if they were still alive, an anniversary if they were still together, etc. Sometimes I wish that I could just forget. Maybe that would make it easier to ignore some scars that obviously haven't healed yet. Is there really bliss in ignorance? Probably not. Maybe I need to remember these things in order to remember how blessed I really am. Maybe some scars aren't meant to heal. Who knows. I am young yet, so I will have to get back to you after I've done some more living. At this point, I think there are things that will always be raw with me. I've had manny unexpected things happen in my life, some wonderful, some super shitty, and I think most of them I will never forget completely, even if I was able to forget these dates.

Another thing running around in my mind lately are thoughts and concerns for a friend whose husband was recently injured in Afganistan. At first when I found out he had been injured, I wasn't sure whether he was alive or not, because I simply saw someones status update on Facebook that read something to the effect of "sending prayer to the familly". It scared the shit out of me. I know my friend does not want to be a widow. She has made that pretty clear. I was thrilled to learn that her husband is alive, and fully cognitive. But my heart aches for her, her husband, and their children. I have never met my friends husband, yet this feels very close to home. I keep thinking about their bright, adorable kids, and hoping that the day when the entire family is at home, together, under one roof, sharing the same walls comes with lightning speed. I know in the end they will all be ok, once they adjust to whatever their new reality may be. I feel selfish even writing about it, when it is not my family that is goiong through hell. I just feel like I need to air it out somewhere, that I hurt for them, that I appreciate the sacrifice her husband and their entire family has made and wish them some glimmer of normalcy soon, and as much laughter as their hearts can hold during this crappy ass time for them.

And as always, you can add a healthy dose of stress about my hearing on my list of woes. What I wouldn't give to just not have to worry about it at all. To just be able to hear like most people do, and move about my life without having to deal with the bullshit that is caused by my shitty hearing. It is hard not to grow bitter over the way that things shook out regarding my eligibility for a cochlear implant. I deserve one, I feel, and I damn sure need one. I guess I just get a case of the "why me's" every now and then. I know that I am so lucky that things are not worse than they are. This is another area where I feel guilty or selfish expressing how I feel, especially the negative feelings. I know I should be happy to have what I have, and I am. Oh God, am I ever grateful that things are not worse, and they have been in the past, and I never want to go there again. But at the same time, it wouldn't be realistic at all not to acknowledge the fact that I get really pissed off about the situation, the lack of a solution, and every now and then it makes me just want to scream.

So that is what is on my mind. Heavy though it may be. That's just a bit of it really. There are a lot of lighter things in my head too, thoughts and excitement about Everett's first birthday, my upcoming 30th birthday, and of course, Easter (my favorite!!), excitement about my new lawn mower, etc. and I will write about all that stuff soon. But there is no way that I could sit here and write about easter eggs and freshly cut lawns, without addressing the things that I have been thinking about foremost in the past few days. I needed to get it out, and if you have managed to read all the way to this point, I commend your patience :p Please do not worry about me, I am fine and I don't need anything. But I did have some shit that I needed to get off of my chest, and now I can bubble that one in on the calendar.

Good night. :)

Time Flies

2011-03-14T05:44:00.000-04:00

So a few weeks ago I decided I needed to print out some of our pictures of our new little family and put them in a photo album or something. Seems like no one prints pics anymore, and that real life photo albums have gone by the wayside, being replace by facebook mobile uploads and crap like that. Maybe it's because uploading photos is BORING, but I'll get to that later.

Of course, what started as "let's print a few pictures" has turned it "let's scrapbook Everett's entire life, from conception until whenever "the present" happens to be when we finish this enormous project". How to you decide which pictures to print when you think they are all the cutest thing you've ever seen? I've printed apx 400 pictures, and thank God Matt has helped me make a few scrapbook pages.

Matts pages are pretty, with layered sheets of different color papers and cute handwriting. His pictures are all framed with cute little borders and such. They look like they had a lot of time and though put into them. They are great. I assumed I was on my own with this project when I started, so I am super happy to have Matt's help, and its fun for us to work on it together.

My pages look like they were made by a woman who has 400 more pictures to put somewhere. They give the impression that they have been pumped out assembly line style at break-neck speed. They remind me of my moms scrapbook pages, the few that she has completed in her lifetime. Finished long before she ever considered having kids, the pages in moms scrapbook are worn and faded, her handwriting right beside the pictures instead of on clever notecards or whatever. They look rugged, like they have been around for a while, and they have. Those they are not full of luster, I like them because they are hers, just like I like my pages because they are mine, ugly or plain thought they may be :)

I know it will be fun later, to look back on what used to be my scrapbook, but is now a collaborative effort between me and Matt, born in a rush to catch up to present day pictures. It's now part of the family, and it tickles me to think that Everett will one day get to add his own pages. And though I know that not most little boys get a kick out of scrapbooking, and he will probably blow me and Matt off, abandon our arts and crafts one day in favor of something more boyish, I hope that he will take an interest in it while he is little. That way, he will have some of his own creations in the family book that will one day be a treasure to him when he is adult, regardless of how boring it may be when he is a child, or embarrassing it may be when he is an adolescent.

Having said all that, it is my sincerest hope that this project gets finished. I say that because I know myself well. Hell, you have all seen how great my follow-through has been with keeping this blog up-to-date. A lot of my projects turn out that way: half finished. Hopefully we will actually scrapbook all of these pictures, but if we do not, I vow to at least have them all dated and placed in an album in chronological order within a reasonable amount of time, because I am going to be major pissed if I never get anything else done, and have nothing to show for all of the time I have spent uploading pictures to Shutterfly to be printed this week. If there were nothing else to motivate me, I believe that the sheer memory of the pain in the ass that i have endured uploading pics will surely drive me to at least archive them in an organized, and hopefully creative, way.

So with that I shall leave you with something to look at. Looking through all of these pics has really put things into perspective. What a wild and wonderful past year I have had, and damn, its flown by fast!! Here is a picture from a year ago. Man, what a difference a year makes :)

March 16, 2010 - 30 weeks

The reward, a year later :) -

Mommy and Everett March 12, 2011. Everett's ten month birthday.

YAY!!

2011-02-28T02:04:00.000-05:00

I finally got a new laptop!!! YAYAYAYAYAAAAY! Gone are the days of the missing "a", "f," and "c" Keys, the jiggly space bar, the mouse pad with the worn out tapper. This should make keeping up with the blog much much easier. If I can't keep up now, then there may be no hope at all :p

In recent news, winter seems to be on its way out for this year, praise Jesus. I have grown old and crotchety and snow sucks now. When you are a kid, it's neat and all. When you are an adult, its just a pain in the ass. Sure as I say this, a blizzard will hit tomorrow, but I really hope not, lol. I'm ready to wear tank tops again!!!!

Everett is now nine months old, and he has figured out how to crawl. He doesn't do it a lot yet, because he mastered the walker a long time ago, and still prefers to be upright instead of on all fours. My baby is so evolved. :) His main objective in life right now is to figure out how to walk without the walker. Any time that he is not eating or asleep, he is working towards this goal and it is with certain level of fear that I know he will achieve this goal probably sooner rather than later. He will be into EVERYTHING! In a way I want it to hurry up and happen for him, because I know he wants it so bad, but there is a smarter side of me that knows not to rush anything :) He is growing way to damn fast as it is.

It doesn't get much better than this.

2010-09-29T21:24:00.000-04:00

This is my son. :) I like to say that, so let's do it again. This is my son :)

You guys out in the blogosphere haven't seen him since November of last year, when he was just a wee little fetus. He is now a super cute 4 month old :)

Becoming a mom is probably the most amazing thing that I will ever do in life. I could go on all day about how life changing it is, and how it goes by so fast, and how sometimes it seems to go really slow, and how stressful it is, and how you get these frequent moments of bliss and pure joy like nothing you have ever felt in your life, but the truth is, you will never get it until you become a parent yourself, and I need to get off of the computer and wash bottles....again. :)

This blog could use a name change

2010-04-08T01:20:00.000-04:00

Maybe I should change the name of this blog to "Rachel's Excuses For Not Blogging Very Often. Seems fitting.

Today's excuse: I don't have one. I give up. You guys should know me by now. My follow through with this blog sucks. Sorry :p

So anywho, winter is over! Surely as I say that it will snow tomorrow. :p It's been a crappy winter. We were lucky in the fact that we never lost power for more than a few hours during the snow storms, and unlucky in the fact that our driveway seriously resembles a mud pit, lending us to be shut in for at least two days longer than everyone else. Well, everyone else but Steven. My God, I feel guilty complaining when I think about the torture he and Wayne have been through with that God forsaken driveway of theres. Point of the story? Snow really sucks. It's pretty, and thats all that its good for. No wonder Sarah Palin is a nut. The Alaskan snow is eating at her brain.

So the best part of the spring is no snow, and right below that is the flowers. It does my soul some good to watch the flowers sprout and bloom. The tulip tree in our yard bloomed this year. That never happens. It's marvelous. And the best part of the flowers, other than picking them, is taking pictures of them. Yep, you guessed it, I have Spring pictures to share. :) Enjoy :)

First true sign of Spring. Dirty hands!!

So pretty :)

Elena relaxing with Jango

Gratuitous belly pic

Little daffodils and big daffodils

Mi familia enjoying the pretty weather together. Makes me warm and fuzzy inside :)

Mom and Gina in the garden

Pretending she is a princess bride :)

Here is that Tulip Tree I mentioned :)

Matt and Elena are like tiny specks way out on the Green River Bridge.

Uncle Jim in his element

View of the farm from yonder side of the lake

Hello Darlin'. It's been a looooong time.

2009-11-08T13:39:00.001-05:00

Hey guys. Sorry that I have totally let this blog go stale. If any of you have been paying attention, you know this happens from time to time. :p Allow me to do my best to try to catch up from where we left off.

I don't even remember when I last posted anything, and I am too lazy to go back and look. So if I haven't told you already, I'm pregnant!! Matt and I are expecting our first in May 2010 and I could not be more excited. I am 12 weeks along, so almost out of the first trimester. We will find out the sex of the baby sometime around Christmas.

I am already learning that pregnancy has its ups and downs. It's really great to have an excuse to eat like a cow and be lazy. If someone is moving, you don't even have to consider that they might ask you to help. Asking for seconds is the hip thing to do. Bitching is expected, so I will start with that now :) I've been tired almost to the point of being completely useless. I have had a little bit of morning sickness, but thank God that has been few and far between. I constantly feel like I might puke, but most of the time nothing happens. I am happy for that.

Matt has been beyond wonderful with this entire thing. He has kept the house spotless, taken care of the dogs, driven me to Sonic when I know he didn't want to. He is marvelous, despite his sometimes horrid choice of accessories.

So needless to say that is the biggest thing going on right now. Or the tiniest, depending on how you look at it ;) I have a lot of other stuff to say, but I thought I might as well get the major news out of the way first. Now I must simply continue to resist the urge to spend every dime I have on baby stuff. I have been assured that the day will soon arrive when that will no longer be optional :p

I think I'll keep him.

2009-07-20T01:23:00.002-04:00

You just have to love a man who puts flowers on your desk before you wake up in the morning.
And he even grew them himself :)

I'm really enjoying your gardening endeavours, Matt. It makes the yard seem so much friendlier. I our little home, our little fur family, and I love you :-)

Happy Birthday Sis :)

2009-07-18T00:00:00.004-04:00

Sis, I was gonna send this to you via email but I lost your address. Now everyone gets to see Ebony, and, Sis, you can just steal them from here :) Mikey will know how to do it if you don't already know.

Hope you enjoyed your birthday :)

Eating grass. Ebony's favorite thing to do to pass the time.

I don't think she really likes the flash that much. Or maybe
it was my obnoxious whistling?

Back to eating grass. :)

RiteAid wants the ladies to be more independant.

2009-07-04T17:50:00.004-04:00

Earlier today I had to declare a household state of emergency when I realized that I was drinking THE LAST soda in the house. I am trying to quit smoking. If I am depriving my body of all these cigarette chemicals, I'll be damned if I am gonna torture myself by going without carbonated beverages. Screw that.

So I went to RiteAid, because it's close to the house and (warning: too much info starts here) they carry soda and something else that we are out of, KY.

I grabbed my 12 pack of Mountain Dew, and made my way back to the "family planning" section of the store. While looking at the gazillion personal lubricants that they have on the market these days, my eyes drifted a little too far, and I saw that they actually sell vibrators at RiteAid!!!

I'm not talking about a fingertip pleasure machine here. This thing was the real deal. Complete with a "natural contour design" and "discreet carrying pouch." It was manufactured by Durex, the same peeps that make the condoms. It was large. And to show that we have really stepped into a new era here, it was on the third shelf from the bottom, for all to reach, packaged in a bright purple and pink box, with a convenient "look at me!" flap that opened on the front of the box, so that you can take a look at the product.

Vibrator at RiteAid: $19.99
Temptation to buy it and see look on cashier's face: priceless.

I am not offended by this, but I am shocked as shit. I remember back when a woman's personal pleasure needs had to be taken care of via catalog or that sketchy store on Highway 25. It was great when Adam and Eve got and online store. Still, I never thought I would live to see that day when people were selling dildos less than 15 feet away from where my grandmother picks up her Lipitor.

Lack of creativity, obviously

2009-06-29T23:22:00.002-04:00

So, I lifted this survey, or whatever you wanna call it, off of Facebook. Thought I would throw it in the blog since I haven't written anything here in a while. Erin tells me she is having AbsolutRachel withdrawals, so something had to be done :)

USING ONLY ONE WORD
(I really hope you guys appreciate how hard it's gonna be for me to answer ANYTHING in one word.)

Where is your cell phone?
Pocket

Your significant other?
Tall

Your hair?
Black

Your mother?
Chocolate

Your father?
Willerwoller

Your favorite thing?
People

Your dream last night?
none

Your favorite drink?
carbonation

Your dream/goal?
bliss

What room are you in?
Living room (That was impossible answer in one word. Not fair!)

Your hobby?
dogs

Your fear?
misery

Where do you want to be in 6 Yrs?
home

Where were you last night?
home

Something that you aren't?
easy

Muffins?
no

Wish list item?
baby

Last thing you did?
play

What are you wearing?
overalls

TV?
TruTV

Pastime:
relaxing

Your pets?
love

Friends?
best

Your Life?
marvelous

Your mood?
exhausted

Missing someone?
always

Smoking?
sure

Your car?
new

Something you're not wearing?
socks

Your favorite store?
CharlotteRusse (sorry, had to make that one word :) )

Your favorite color
pink

When is the last time you cried?
recently

Where do you go to over and over?
Executive (now that's embarrassing, but another 'thing that I am not' is dishonest)

Five people who email me regularly?
(So now they are giving me permission to break the "one word" rule? What the hell.) spam, Verizon, Blogger, Progressive, Richard. (in that order)

My favorite place to eat?
Schlotsky's

Favorite place I'd like to be at right now?
OuterBanks

Because I think I may have promised Abi I would post this

2009-06-18T20:48:00.004-04:00

Old, worn out photo from Prom, junior year, 1998. Why didn't someone feed me

Just fine

2009-06-17T18:51:00.003-04:00

If this song doesn't make you wanna get up and shake-it, you may need to adjust your Prozac dosage. :)

Thanks for re-introducing me to this song, Gina, and sorry about the pic. I just had to :) Look at the time on the clock!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ETfNxDVlpQ

I Love Being My Brother's Sister

2009-06-12T18:25:00.007-04:00

I was about ten years old when my brother, Joe, was born. There is an oddly wonderful, very-difficult-to-describe, different-than-normal sibling experience when you are old enough to remember every milestone in your younger siblings life. You wouldn't know the feeling if you haven't been there, and I am sure there is an equally indescribable feeling that comes from being the younger sibling when there is such a huge age gap. It's something no more special than any other sibling experience, but it is pretty unique.

I'll share a story, so you can get a little bit of a better feel for what I am talking about here. When Joe was about seven years old, he told me that he wanted a brother or sister. My response was "who do you think I am?".

"No, I mean like a real one. One that goes to the same school as me and wants to play with the same stuff."

"If you had a 'real' brother or sister, they probably wouldn't be old enough to take you to the movies, or make pancakes better than mom, and mom wouldn't trust you guys to just wonder off in the woods any place you please."

"Good point."

I'd say we both knew that our age gap was unusual, yet pretty cool. I know I have always been happy with it. Most people don't remember when their brother was born. I do. Vividly. It snowed that day. Do you remember your brothers first day of school? I do. I was so happy that he got the same kindergarten teacher I had ten years prior. And when he learned to walk, when he got old enough to ride in the front seat, when he was first trusted to cook something without burning the house down, I was there. I remember seeing the following absolutely precious keepsake as it was being made.

Today I got to make another really cool memory. And I have a feeling this one is gonna stick too. I took Joe to get his learner's permit today. I'll be the first to admit that the thought of Joe being able to drive has always terrified me. Not because I expected that he would be a bad driver, but because there are SO many other bad drivers, and his world would be open to so many more unimaginable dangers than it previously had been. But as I sat in the waiting room of the DMV while he took the test, I was thrilled and nervous and excited for Joe, not me. Sitting there wondering if he passed the test was getting to me, and finally I got up and took a peek into the office, where I saw Joe sitting in front of the camera. HE PASSED!!

I was so happy for him! I immediately went into "that's my little brother!!!" mode. I noticed the guy at the front desk was distracted, so I took the chance to mosey straight past him into the office. I was like the obnoxious mom at the school play. The one who creeps up to the very edge of the stage to get a perfect picture. Yes, I took his picture at the DMV, and as you can see, he was clearly expressing his desire not to have me flashing pics with my pinkberry.

Yep. I have many pictures with this look on Joe's face. The look that says, "Rachel, people aren't allowed to come up on the stage and take pictures!". I have embarrassed myself, and Joe, (well, mom and dad too) many a'time by making a total ass out of myself to get a shot of a milestone. Why would I act any different at a government run agency when Joe is legally an adult? This poor child has and always will have the burden of his sister following him with a camera. I cherish the memories too much not to capture them. Embarrassment, rules and regulations, even risk of arrest, would be unlikely to stop me. One day I will be all old, and the memories may start to fade, but at least I will have them well documented, in case I need to jog my memory a bit. Sorry, Joe, but I do it out of love:)

Here is another picture for you, just for shits and giggles.

Congratulations Joe. I love you and I am so proud of you. You are growing up, but you'll always be my "little brother". :)

This makes my heart all warm and smiley

2009-06-08T14:33:00.003-04:00

I apologize for the fact that I am not sharp enough to figure out how to steal a video from YouTube and post it on the blog. You'll just have to deal with good ol' fashion links.

I found this video the other day and I love it. It's a group of Marines having a little fun at work in Iraq. These men are someones kids, husbands, brothers, etc. They are in some really sucky conditions over there, to say the least, and making a huge sacrifice for us. (Thank you!) Still, they manage to keep their sense of humor and wit in tact, which makes me feel silly for letting anything get me bent out of shape. It truly is heartwarming. I hope that the guys in this video are still safe, wherever they may be now. Most of all, I hope they are home.

See if you can guess which one is my fave :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NX5ZVC1YY1k

Celebrations

2009-06-07T23:06:00.000-04:00

The past few weeks have been scattered with a lot of celebrations and not a lot of blog posts. Forgive me as I try to catch up :)

We'll start with Memorial Day.

The Memorial Day celebration at Heather and John's
house (thanks for hosting us, guys!!)was really a celebration
of many, many things. Here, Kasey listens patiently as Connie
reads the list of things that we were celebrating (in no particular order).

Memorial Day
Connie's Birthday
Kasey's birthday (early)
My birthday (late)
Mother's Day (late)
Heather getting the breathalyzer taken out of her car
Kasey successfully completing his DUI classes
Me, Connie, Heather and Erin all getting new cars
The death of Matt's cancer

We'll use just about any excuse to fire up the grill :)

Matt's cancer free gift :)

Erin and me. Had to get a picture together
while she still has her hair dark :p

Random Memorial Day ducks in our front yard

Dad's birthday was right after Memorial Day, and we did celebrate, but believe it or not, I didn't get any pictures!! So here is a nice retro shot of dad for you to enjoy.

Dear ol' dad, 1975. Happy Birthday again, daddy. Love you :)

Saturday was Waylon's Birthday. My fur baby is 4!! I can't believe it. Seems like the past four years have flown past. Who knew what a ride I was in for when I brought this dog into my home? He has been a wonderful companion, despite his quirks and less-than-perfect behavior. Marley has nothing on this dog. Seriously. Regardless, I love him to pieces.

Yes, I throw birthday parties for my dog :)

This is NOT how I envisioned the cake in my head, but this
IS how it turned out in reality. I'm gonna have to become
less creative or better skilled at cake decorating (mom, help me!!)
before I have a real child. A human 4 year old would be
ridiculed through high school after their friends saw this cake.
Waylon's friends didn't seem to mind.

My baby brother is not a baby anymore :(
He has grown up into a great guy though,
nice enough to humor me by coming to my
dog's birthday party :)

Waylon is thinking "Want cake NOW!!" Elena is patiently
waiting for us to stop singing, so she can make a wish for
Waylon and blow out the candle.

Look close enough and you can see an entire cupcake in
his mouth. (Spare me the comments about how unhealthy
this is, please. You only turn 4 once.)

Waylon's buddy Winnie.

And finally, here are some pics of the weenie roast at Matt's parent's house today. No specific reason to celebrate but it is not that often that we are able to get so many members of the clan together at once. And if you think about it, there is a lot to celebrate in that neck of the woods. Several cancer survivors, a new grandbaby for Ellen (Elizabeth and Andrew's son, James, who would have been more appropriately named "Absolutely Adorable"), John's birthday was last week and it's almost time for the younguns to be free from school for the summer.

We hadn't seen Katie in ages :)

So peaceful

Evidently it's damn near impossible for me
to do a blog post with this many pictures without
including a gratuitous self-portrait of myself
with Matt. I just love him so :)

Should we really allow this kid to have a stick
with not one, but two, sharp, metal prongs on
the end? Eh, why not?

I promise, one of these days I am gonna get off my lazy ass and actually write a blog entry instead of just flooding you guys with pics. Maybe. :p

Future Candy Stripers of America

2009-05-27T20:57:00.000-04:00

Don't worry, Matt is fine. These pictures are from a few weeks ago, when Matt was getting a blood transfusion before he was finished with chemo. Elena and I decided it would be fun to go get Happy Meals and take them to the hospital. Elena was hellbent on the idea that a toy, along with the sight of her, would make Matt all better. Maybe she was right :)

Anticipation

The Happy Meal toys sucked, so we had to improvise :)

Wasting medical supplies in the name of fun.

Matt and Elena, and the tattoos they gave each other.

Sleepy? Elena had a nap that day. I did not :p

Sippin' & Dippin'

2009-05-27T20:07:00.000-04:00

North Carolina passed a law last week prohibiting smoking in public places. I am not sure whether the law applies to ALL public places, or just indoors. Either way, the law states that it is unfair to force a restaurant worker to participate in "passive smoking" (formerly known as "being exposed to second-hand smoke").

Erin is not ready to make nice on this one yet. So like a true tobacco addict, she's found a way to skirt the law. It's probably not a coincidence that she got the idea to start dipping about two days after she attended her first NASCAR race. Dippin' ain't easy. There are all kinds of issues, other than the obvious ones, like the fact that tobacco doesn't stick together that well, so the dip falls out, and if you forget to spit, you'll barf. Regardless, I have a feeling she'll be a skilled pro by the time the new law takes effect next January, and ready to spit some Skoal in Bev Perdue's eye if given the chance.

Whether you agree or disagree, I still think she should get an A for dedication. Know your rights, ya'll. :)

No Mo Chemo

2009-05-21T22:11:00.000-04:00

Collective sigh of relief

It's official!!!! We got Matt's CT results today and his cancer is in remission :)

I'm sure I will end up writing more about this later, getting into more details and reflecting/rambling on some things. Not today.

Today's word of the day is "gratitude".

Songs that remind me of you

2009-05-18T00:40:00.000-04:00

It's late. I'm bored.

I've been sitting here listening to my Pandora station. Being able to hear is a wonderful thing, you know? There are so many songs that take me back so a certain place or time or remind me of someone. So I thought it would be kinda fun to share a few songs that remind me of people. I don't wanna hear any bitching from anyone who doesn't like "their" song. I'm 28. I can't change these memory associations, or control what they developed in the first place. The song just reminds me of you for some reason. I'll try to add some sidenotes about where I think the association between person and song developed (but with this mind of mine, who the hell knows?). For some of you, it will be hard/inaccurate to name just one song, but I don't have all night. Also, there is no way that I could list everyone in one post. So if you aren't listed, don't be offended. I'll have to continue in another post later. Enjoy, and feel free to let me know if you have a song that reminds you of me. I think it would be neat :)

Mom: Mariah Carey, I'll be there. Reminds me of Mom because when I was a child she told me to think of her when I heard this song. Pretty simple :P http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=52d20PK_Kyk

Dad always sang a lot when I was a kid. Mostly songs to make me laugh or embarass me, but this one was my favorite :) The Hollies, The Air That I Breathe http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bb7S8-Iewi0&feature=related

Joe: The Beatles, In My Life. I apologize for the horrible spelling at the beginning of this video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zI0Q8ytD44Y

Gina: Rolling Stones, You Can't Always Get What You Want. But if you try sometimes, you might just find, I love you enough not to tell the world why this is your song, because I know that you already know why :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_0jyKabLHVc

Brandon: Elton John, I Wan't Love. Robert Downey, Jr. kinda looks like Brandon in the video. And I just LOVE Elton :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_u6l7EsQMc

Matt: Here is one you wouldn't expect, since you and I have had this talk before. This one reminds me of some damn good times :). Toby Keith(sorry, Gina), I Love This Bar. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q85rPq1u9sc

Erin: Duh. Janis Joplin, Me and Bobby McGee. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5FMhnl0__Vo . Good audio, nothing like how we do it, but at least the Janis video montage is cool.

Lex: Two days past 18, baby. Two fuckin days. It's a shame. I'm not kidding. Bring our troops home ASAP, please?. Sorry, you know I can't pass up a chance to give an unsolicited opinion :P Dixie Chicks, Travelin' Soldier. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nLBgmbXBOb8

Elena: The Beatles, Get Back. Honey, you loved it when I sang this song when you were a baby. Always got a giggle with this one. Not sure if she was laughing at my singing or dancing?? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JlWFpdPX45g

I've saved the best for last. :) World's Cheesiest Song

Steven Corn: You already know, don't you? Celine Dion, Because You Loved Me http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ji-GONSfwnE . You gotta see it, Steven. Celine is so full of her own shit in this video.

Alright, that's all I've got in me tonight. G'night.

A promise is a promise

2009-05-16T02:01:00.000-04:00

So, most of you probably already know that I promised Matt back in March (when we thought that the surgery would most likely catch all the cancer) that if he had to have chemo, then I would let him do whatever he wanted with my hair. For the past few years, I have been repeating a cycle of growing my hair long enough to donate to Locks of Love, and then having it chopped off. For the past few years, Matt has begged me to try different things with my hair, but I don't really care that much about my hair, and don't like to spend time or money on it. So I thought that if Matt had to do chemo (and lose his eyebrows and eyelashes, his biggest fear) then it would be proper to do my own little "Locks of Love" project a bit closer to home. Instead of donating my hair, I promised to get it cut, colored, permed, whatever Matt wanted, at the hands of a well trained professional.

That's not exactly how it worked out. First, Matt still has not lost his eyebrows OR eyelashes. But, like the title says, a promise is a promise. I have learned my lesson. I should have been more specific. "If your eyebrows fall out, you can have total reign over my hair" would have been better. Second, we have NOT had the time to find a well trained professional, and I started getting really sick of my hair as it started getting hotter outside. Third, it's been kinda boring around here lately.

So the other night, we decided to throw caution to the wind, and I let Matt take a pair of scissors to my locks*. My lovely lady locks. I have to say it was fun. At first Matt was scared, but after a few times of me repeating "I don't care if you screw it up, I'll just shave it off, I've done it before, and you may never cut hair again, so enjoy yourself" he loosened up and we had a blast, along with just a few scary moments when Matt went hog-wild and almost stabbed me with the scissors. Ok, he did stab me with the scissors*, but he didn't draw blood, so we're cool. And of course we got some funny pics :)

*I know you are wondering. We were totally sober. I swear. :)

The look in my eyes makes me pretty
sure that this pic was shot after the
accidental stabbing.

But it didn't turn out half bad. I like it a lot :) It's very
layery and and it looks quite nice when rockin' the dogwood
blossom, which just happens to be the state flower (or is
it tree?) for NC. My 4th grade teacher would be ashamed.

It me birthday yesterday!!

2009-05-11T20:29:00.001-04:00

Thank you to everyone who sent birthday wishes my way in one way, shape or form yesterday. Mad props to Liz, who commented via the blog ;)

I had a great birthday. I sure all of you can guess that I was ready to kiss 27 goodbye and watch the door hit it in the ass on the way out, so needless to say, I was very excited about my birthday this year. 27 sucked. Hopefully 28 will be much better. 27 was full of heartache. It is a year that I will never forget mostly for negative reasons. Two failed pregnancies, dad's tumor, Matt's cancer, and a couple of deaths in the family are just the first things that pop into mind when I think about what has happened in my life since my 27th birthday. I could probably think of more sad stuff, but who wants to sit around and do that?

The point is, even though it sucked, I have learned a lot in the last year about happiness, love, gratitude, compassion and how to take what you life gives you and do the best that you can with it. There are a lot of things that have happenned that made me want to run for the hills and become a total recluse so that the world couldn't get me anymore. Even though it wasn't the best year ever, I am thankful to have lived through it and for having the chance to see strength and love in myself and the people around me. I always knew that it existed, but now I know better than before that it is solid, and knowing that is a good feeling. It's the only measure of safety I can have in this totally unpredictable world. When I think about all that I have learned this year, about appreciation, hidden strength, gratitude, sympathy, peace, and what is really important, using the word "thankful" seems trite.

Even though life often seems like an episode of "As The World Turns", I am ready for my next trip around the sun and the joy that I hope it brings. Happy Birthday to me :)

Celebrating with the family. Judging by the look on
Mamaw's face, I think I may have dropped an F-bomb
right before Matt shot this pic. Mamaw has started a new policy:
each time I say that word, it's costing me a quarter. Now
the economy is hitting me EXTRA hard :b

Heather remembered to bring the
Sesame Street shirt that says "Party
Animal" on the front, and "It me birthday"
on the back. I think I made her wear it
for two birthdays, so happy that she
remembered to carry on the tradition :)

With Waylon

Erin on balloon duty. I think she has a new
sympathy for Brenda now :) (sorry, inside
joke, but I couldn't resist.)

Chemo with a side of Blackberry

2009-04-30T17:18:00.000-04:00

So, this is my first attempt at posting a blog entry from my Blackberry since I became the proud owner of a pretty, pink Blackberry last week. I am absolutely in love with this thing! I can get on the internet ANYWHERE!!!

I went out earlier to get us some lunch and now I've been sitting here for a while watching Matt sleep through his chemo. The nurse is changing the IV bags. All of this while I work on my blog. Multi-tasking just became pocket-sized. Technology is amazing, kids. :)

Stayed tuned for inevitable future entries about my development of carpal tunnel syndrome and possible family intervention for my Blackberry addiction. This thing is better than crack. Well, I've never done crack, but I can't imagine any non-living thing that could be more fun than this (right now, at least), and it is surely equally addictive. :)

Family Outing

2009-04-29T22:03:00.000-04:00

I'm too tired and lazy to write. Matt is doing well. Enjoy the pictures from our trip to the zoo. We make such a lovely little blended family. I had a great time and hope to be able to do it again soon.

Hope all of you are well :)

John Mills (Matt's youngest brother, 9), Elena (my neice,
Gina's daughter, 3) and Matt (the best room mate I have
ever had :b, 27). The playground was SO cool.

We brought the wheelchair because Matt's
Neupogen shots make his bones hurt like
hell, it was 85 degrees and sunny, and
frankly, it just made me feel better to take
it and know that the chances of Matt hitting
the pavement would be lessened at least
50%. Immediately upon arrival at the zoo,
it became clear that the wheelchair would
be the kids' favorite attraction. We loaded
that thing like a pack mule, and never had
a shortage of ready volunteers to push. I'll never
take a bunch of kids to the zoo without one
again. It was a fuckin life saver. In this picture,
Lex is checking out (and bitching about) the
accessability of the zoo playground. The lady
behind him looks freaked out.

Elena gets a hand from Uncle Matt

Lex rides the artwork. He'll ride anything.

Me with Gina (sister-in-law, bff)

Matt making sure the kids walk the line.

John climbing the spider web thing. This
pole is WAY taller than it looks.

The whole crew, Minus Lex, at our post-playground/pre-
zoo picnic. (Someone has to take the pictures :b ) Elena,
Matt, John, Gina, Joe (my little bro) and me.

Elena with giant strawberry.

Elena crashing John into a trash can. They were helping
with picnic clean-up.

John forgot to bring gas money, so we put
his ass to work. Just kidding. Major thanks
to both little brothers, Joe and John. They
we ON TOP of the wheelchair pushing. They
should go into a wheelchair pushing business
together. Seriously.

And, we're off to the zoo :)

God, I love this kid. My baby Brandon girl.
*This lovely moment was later ruined when
Elena noticed that one elephant was catching
another elephants poop in it's mouth and
eating it.

Me: "This lion's ass is HOT!"
Elena: "Lion has a hot ass"
Me: "no, no, hiney, Honey, say hiney."

We LOVE the giant turtles!!

Looks like a damn good argument for evolution if you ask
me. :P

The mommy orangutan hangs out with her face smooshed
against the glass with the most pathetic "get me the hell
out of here" look on her face. It's heart-breaking.

Cotton candy/ice cream break #1

love

No. I was not the one who fed the monkey the azalea that
was in my hair.

You can see Elena's head in the bottom of this pic. She was
hell-bent on seeing baby giraffes and disappointed to find
out that there weren't any. She said, "No babies? That's
so sad." Lex replies, "It's not always sad for a couple not to
have babies. Some people don't want children for one reason
or the other." Lex, the constant teacher.

Last ice cream stop at the end of the day. Elena got a
Dora the Explorer ice cream thingy that looked a LOT
like Elena.

Maisy's New Home

2009-04-25T23:14:00.000-04:00

Just a quick update tonight. Mom and Dad adopted my friend Manny's dog. Maisy is cute as a button, sweet as a doll, all that stuff. Mom is in love, my little brother is so happy to have a dog again, and Maisy and dad are bonding well. She took a seat at his feet as soon as she walked in. I think she has melted every heart in the house. I will admit, once I had her in my possession, I didn't want to give her to my parents, but they have been looking for a dog, and Maisy needed a home, and they are a perfect match.

Maisy meets dad.

Maisy likes sleeping with all of dad's other
stuff. His CD's, his weights, his cane. Works
out well because dad likes to dangle his leg
off of the bed and pet her with his feet :)

Maisy smiling at mom in the kitchen. Sorry, I have no
clue why this pic is so blurry or how to fix it. Maisy's
bed that she brought with her fits PERFECTLY into this
weird little notch in the hall where she can relax and still
see what's going on in the whole house. I think the space
originally made for a wood stove years ago, but now it
makes a lovely indoor dog house. :)

Exploring her new yard.

Thank you, Manny. Visit anytime :)

Open Ended

2009-04-22T21:06:00.000-04:00

So, my blog is nearing the 1,000 hit mark, a very exciting thing for me :)

Weird thing is, I don't get a lot of comments and I feel like I don't even know most of my readers. So I thought that I would give you guys a chance to speak up. Feel free to leave a comment and tell me what you think of the blog, let me know how you found it, how I can improve it, ask me questions (which I will answer any reasonable ones) or give me some topics that you think I should write about.

I probably won't get many takers on this one, but thought it would be fun anyway :)

To leave an anonymous comment, click on the link below the blog post that says "(whatever number) comments", add your comments in the space provided, type in the captcha, scroll down, click "anonymous" and then click "submit".

Let's all vote!

2009-04-20T17:48:00.000-04:00

Who thinks that I will pull my hair out before the chemo makes Matt's hair fall out? I'm voting Matt's hair might make it longer.

We went to Matt's chemo appt today only to find out that his white blood cells are too low to continue with chemo this week. We have to go in every day this week for a shot to try to stimulate Matt's bone marrow to make some fucking white cells. Of course, red cells have plummeted as well, so we'll be hanging out at the hospital Wednesday for Matt to get transfused with two units of packed red cells. This was not totally unexpected, but still a bump in the road, and a surprise.

On top of that, I had a doctors appointment today, and when I arrived I was told that I didn't have an appointment, regardless of the fact that I KNOW I spoke to a woman at the office and scheduled an appointment for today at most a week ago.

All this sets us up for a grand ol' time for the next two days. As luck would have it, (sorry if this is too much info, get over it, we're adults here) my yearly pelvic exam is scheduled for tomorrow. My regular doc rescheduled me with some doc in her office who I have never met. I see that doc tomorrow at 9 am for thyroid bloodwork, then at noon we have to be at Matt's doc to get the shot for his white cells, and at 1:30 I have to be at the gyno. I have a history of fainting during pelvic exams, so this should be fun. Then Wednesday we will have to be at the hospital at the ass crack of dawn and stay all day to get the red cells.

Sorry, I'm way less than chipper today. Pissed would be an understatement. And Matt, if you read this, it's not your fault, and I'd do it all again in a heartbeat. Love you.

Here are some pics from the last few days. I hate to leave on a sour note.

Matt and Fancy

Matt and me

Brenda (Matt's mom) and Matt

Matt with a look of hatred towards his water bottle

Matt is like camo in Elena's bedding :)

Elena and Gina

My precious Elena

This is what you get when you give a three year old a
camera.

Elena's best photo attempt

Alone at a table for two

2009-04-19T22:40:00.000-04:00

Happy birthday Erin. Thank you for the feathers. Wish you were here. And like I've always said, please, help me remember you. I don't wanna get over you. :)

Chain of Events

2009-04-13T18:52:00.001-04:00

Many events have transpired since I last blogged. To save myself the trouble of posting 6,000 separate blog entries, what follows is just one big ol' blog post, divided into lovely bite-size segments.

********************************

When I was about 14, my parents adopted my cousin, Megan, therefore making her my sister, in the legal sense of the word. We were raised side by side, and she has always been my sister in the emotional sense. For those of you who crave details about the blood relation between us, or think there is something incestuous or extremely southern going on here, get your mind out of the gutter. She is the daughter of my mother's brother, who died in 1984.

Last Thursday Megan lost her boyfriend, Marc Carson. Marc was the son of one of my dad's best good friends (as Forrest Gump might say) from school, and Megan had met him and fell in love about a year ago. He was a vivid personality. I remember him when I was a child, but our families had lost touch over the years. I am glad that I got to know him again. He was truly one-of-a-kind, appreciated a good joke and had a roaring laugh that I'll miss and always remember. He said what was on his mind, and when he offended, he apologized sincerely. He was a good heart and a good soul. He was 35 years old.

Megan and Marc - Marc, may you rest in peace. You will
be missed by many.

***************************************

Saturday was my first real chance to spend some time with my cousin Jessie's new baby. I was on my way to the grocery store and passed my Mamaw's house. The second I saw Jessie's car in Mamaw's driveway, I knew the baby was there, so I turned around and high-tailed it back to the house to pick up Matt. :)

The baby is precious. His name is James, or Sweet Baby James as I like to call him :) He's a quite little guy, just two weeks old. He slept through most of our visit, which is fine by me, because I just want to cuddle him anyway. He did open his eyes once, and they are blue. He coos a lot. He's cute. Period. See.

Sweet Baby James all smooshed up with Matt

Sweet Baby James with his favorite second cousin

Precious.

Matt and Sweet Baby James enjoying some naptime

Saturday night was hectic, and not in a "WHOOO! It's Saturday!" kind of way, but I just don't feel like getting into that. I'm writing this down only for the sake of my own memory, so that I won't forget about it later, but it's a long drawn out story, and there is no need to bore you with it. Don't worry, it's nothing bad.

**********************************************

Regretfully, we weren't able to have Easter dinner with Matt's Dad, Ann, and John. Matt has been having some trouble with carsickness (is that a word?) and he just didn't feel like he could make the ride all the way to their house. Since my parents are only 2 miles away, we did go have dinner there, and as usual mom totally overdid it. There were more deserts than there were people in attendance, but dad will solve any issues with leftovers ASAP. :)

Daddy and me :)

Mom and Aunt Tammie fussing over the ham. Tammie has
a knife, watch out!

Yesterday Matt's mom arrived for her visit from Florida. Matt was so happy to see her. He's been looking forward to this visit or a LONG time. Megan was also here for the night, and it was really good to have a house full of family, even though I wish that we were all together under better circumstances. It was a good time.

Matt's mom wasn't here for Christmas, so she got her
gifts last night. This was a top from Matt that didn't work
out quite as well as he planned. It was good for a laugh :)

Megan and Me

*******************************************

Today is the only day this week that we have to go in for chemo. We did that this morning and it went off without a hitch.

***************************************************

The weird and incredible disturbing part of today was that a couple got into a terrible, physical, fight today while driving beside our house, literally Chris Brown/Rihanna style (I am NOT making fun of domestic abuse here, it is NOT a laughing matter, but that's the best way I know to describe what happened.) By the time it was said and done, the woman had jumped out of the car and taken off running. The man tackled her on the pavement and continued to beat her. The police were called as soon as someone realized what was going on. He was still beating her when the police arrived. I don't know if the man was arrested or not. If he wasn't, then there are at least 6 cops in this county the definitely need to find another vocation. I did see the woman, once it was all over, and he had knocked all of her teeth out. She was sitting in a pile of wet muddy weeds, shaken, and looking surprised to be alive.

I did not see this, and I will not say who witnessed it for obvious reasons. But I will say, I am shaken. I know people always say this, but we don't live in a neighborhood where a domestic dispute is likely to erupt right in front of your home. I have been thinking about that woman all day and willing her the strength to get somewhere safe and get as far away from that man as possible.

*********************************************

Last Thursday a life ended to soon. Saturday I held a new life in my arms. Sunday was spent immersed with family. Today I witnessed the evil of the world and the struggles of a stranger very close to my home. It's enough to open my eyes, and hopefully yours, to the fact that (though it sounds hokey) life is short and unpredictable, and should be spent with as many moments of peace and love as possible.

Immersed in love

Primary Stage 1B Testicular Cancer with Secondary onset Cabin Fever

2009-04-08T23:22:00.000-04:00

Matt's week, though not as intolerable (so far) as I had anticipated, has been monotonous to say the least. Monday we went to the oncologist's office at noon, Matt had 5 hours of chemo, we left at 5:oo pm, spent the evening on the sofa, Matt forced himself to down water, eat dinner, and then we went to bed. Tuesday we went to the oncologist's office at noon, Matt had 5 hours of chemo, we left at 5:oo pm, spent the evening on the sofa, Matt forced himself to down water, eat dinner, and then we went to bed. Today we went to the oncologist's office at noon, Matt had 5 hours of chemo, we left at 5:oo pm, spent the evening on the sofa, Matt forced himself to down water, eat dinner, and then we went to bed.

Ok, well, maybe that's a bit exaggerated. We have had visitors in and out. We have had something different for dinner each night. There has been sparse vomiting thrown in the mix. He did get to witness the joy of the arrival of my new smartphone. Some lovely glassware that he had ordered arrived yesterday. So there have been some exciting bits and pieces here and there. Nonetheless, as expected, tonight the steroids that he is getting with the chemo finally kicked in and Matt found himself with a serious case of Cabin Fever.

He wanted to go somewhere, but he didn't want to go anywhere. I'll say that he was "restless", to spare you a long explanation involving chinese food and a disastrous trip to the laundromat. We finally decided to go to mom and dad's for a visit, since the drive is short and they always have good snacks.

Sorry, the story kinda ends here. We are home now and Matt seems to be feeling alright. Tired and alright. What more can you ask for?

Me, Matt and my wonderful mother :)

And, for your viewing pleasure, here is a gratuitous shot of me and my not-so-little brother :)

Rudy and Mickey

2009-04-06T23:30:00.000-04:00

Rudy is about 80. He has a top-of-the-line, single-cup coffee maker at home and orders from a selection of 250 different types of coffee (yes, Fair Trade is included) from his computer at home. He knows how to use a sewing machine and stitch. He prefers to iron his own shirts, now that they make wireless irons. He talks fast. He likes pets. His pants are polyesther. Back when he lived in Chicago, he saw Perry Como perform live.

Rudy has a wife, Mickey. That isn't her real name, its the name she decided that she wanted when she was 4, and began refusing to respond any other name henceforth. Mickey likes to sew. She shares Rudy's liberal political views and they attend a local Episcopal church. Her first husband died 30 years ago, quickly. She likes to drive her cars until they just fall apart. Tonight Rudy and Mickey are planning to watch "Slumdog Millionaire", and they are waiting for "Milk" to arrive via Netflix.

Rudy enjoys life "by the quality, not the quantity", which is an interesting thing to hear out of an 80 year old man's mouth while he is receiving chemotherepy. That's why he likes his port-a-cath, so that he doesn't have to ever have an IV started again. He is on his second round of chemo, and he is yet to vomit once!

Rudy and Mickey are gonna save us a seat in their chemo room tomorrow.

********************************************
I woke up today without a clue what to expect. It was Matt's first day of chemo. We arrived at the doctors office at noon. We had packed heavy, preparing for hours of boredom. We were NOT enthused to learn that we would have ROOM MATES (!!!) in the chemo room! We sat down expecting and awkward, silent afternoon with two strangers. We left at 5:00 pm, having gained two new friends who have renewed my faith that there are some really kick-ass people in this world.

*********************************************

Chemo Report, Day One: Obviously, we like our room mates. Matt is tolerating everything well so far and is feeling fine. Big thanks to all of the people who have sent well wishes, prayers, gifts, cards, and disinfectants (you know who you are :p) We love you all, and I will keep you updated as things progress. Mad props to Matt for downing enough water lately to drown a fish. I am so proud of you :)

Chemo does not include free Wi-fi, but it does include free, fresh, coffee (thanks to Ralph down at Fatz for donating the cups) and all the nasty Laura Lynn powdered creamer your heart desires. We have GOT to remember to bring our own creamer tomorrow.

It's been a while

2009-04-02T16:39:00.000-04:00

With the new facebook layout, which sucks hardcore, I realized that I have not updated my blog at all this year!

2009 has not been the best year. As usual, everything seemed to be going fine until February. Then I found out that I was pregnant, had a miscarriage, and Matt was diagnosed with testicular cancer. It would take me forever to try to catch up on everything that I want to write about, and I will get to that stuff in later posts. Soon. Until then, here are some pics of us trying to be happy and normal amidst life's shit storm. Enjoy :)

January- Before my pregnancy and subsequent miscarriage. Way before cancer.

February: After miscarriage. Matt with Elena.

With Gina, Mid February Post miscarriage, pre-Matt's cancer.

March 13. Right before Matt's surgery

March 24. Post-surgery, Pre- Chemo at the Peace Center
Thanks to Liz and Benjie :)

My Favorite Amendment is the First One

2008-12-14T23:23:00.000-05:00

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."

Hello? Hello? Hello? Is there any body out there...out there.

2008-12-12T20:27:00.001-05:00

This is just a quick shout out to all of the people I am following. Where the hell are you guys??? I miss your writing. BLOG MORE, PLEASE!

This is why there is an adult content warning on this blog.

2008-12-09T22:41:00.000-05:00

You guys are not even gonna believe this shit.

I got a phone call today around 4. I pick up, and some guy says "Hi. This is Travis. I got your number off of the bathroom wall at the truck stop and it said on the wall that you would give me a blow job." As if the bathroom wall read specifically "Hey, Travis! Call 867-5309 and the chick will give you a blow job."

Anyway, I proceeded to tell "Travis" (like that's even his real name) that there was not a rats ass of a chance in hell that he was gonna be getting ANYTHING from this bitch. He went on to beg, at which point I lied and told him that I was married to a very large, angry man. He then told me that he was more sensitive than my (fictitious) husband, and maybe we would have a good time together. I guess he assumed I may want to ride off into the sunset with him, side by side in his big rig. At that point I decided to go ahead and extend my lie, by saying "and I'm pregnant. What kind of person would that make you?" His response, "Oh, OK. Then I should just wait a few months and call you back?"

"Hell to the NO, Travis!!! FORGET MY NUMBER, and a good exercise to help you forget it would be to take your vile ass back in the bathroom with a sharpie and scratch my number off of the fucking wall!" Click.

Now, if you know me at all, you know that this pissed me off. Pissed me off good. So tonight, Hemp (name withheld for his protection and mine) made a trip to the truck stop. I had asked Travis specifically which truck stop he got my number from. So we went there, and Hemp checked the walls and couldn't find my number. I then asked Hemp to escort me into the men's room so that I could get a look-see for myself. I did not find my number, but I did find a lovely piece of artwork depicting an ass (like a butt, not a donkey) with shit (yes, human feces, no.2) smeared as if it were coming out of the anal area. There were many men in the men's room, including a large black man who seemed more afraid of me than he should have. I asked them all if they were "Travis." Not surprisingly, I didn't get any takers on that. We checked all of the showers, and the ladies rooms for good measure. We never found my number, but that doesn't mean that it wasn't there. There were hundreds of entries on the wall and neither Hemp, nor I, were willing to get close enough to look at some of them.

I spoke with the clerk, who promised to go in the bathroom and mark he numbers off of the wall as soon as the other clerk got back from break.

I do not know if it was a prank call, or if "Travis" really did get my number off of the bathroom wall. Either way, it was weird as hell. I have been getting a lot of calls from private numbers, which I normally do not answer, but have lately because I am expecting packages, and there is always a chance that the FedEx guy might call. I see my phone number changing in the near future.

Travis, if you are reading this, go blow yourself.

NaBloPoMo Photo Review

2008-11-30T06:56:00.000-05:00

It seems only fitting to kiss NaBloPoMo goodbye with a little November 2008 scrapbook. Enjoy :)

I started the month out in an absolutely gorgeous blue dress as the Maid of Honor in my cousin Jessie's wedding. It was the first wedding that I have ever been in, unless you count Brandon and Gina's (they had no Maid of Honor or Best Man, but somehow I ended up standing right beside Gina with a bouquet). I had a ton of fun. Jessie was beautiful, the ceremony was beautiful, and as much as the groom hated it, he looked great in his "penguin suit." I was so honored to be asked to participate in their wedding and I wish them many, many, many years of happiness with each other :)

This is Matt outside the church after the wedding. I just thought this was a cute picture of him so I through it in.

November brought the arrival of Matt's Mom and her camper. I am sure that she would hate this picture, but I couldn't find a better one of her actually in the camper. She has a wonderful smile, she just happens to be in the middle of a sentence in this picture. Her visit didn't end the way we would have hoped, but as always, we had some fun times and it was good to see her while she was here.

Here I am meeting up with the crew from the bakery for our mini-vacation to Hot Springs. This was a much-needed break during a very stressful time for me. Again, thank you Debi!!

Audrey enjoying our new bedding.

Me with the Terrier Twins, Seymour and Waylon. We got Seymour at the beginning of the month and he has turned out to be such a cool dog! This picture was taken on Thanksgiving morning. You can see that Waylon is recovering well from his accident earlier this month.

Uncle Wayne came into town for Thanksgiving and stayed with me and Matt at the house for two days. We had a great time catching up and you couldn't ask for a more polite, courteous houseguest. He just left yesterday and I miss him already. I had really grown fond of his habit of wondering around the house singing Billy Joel songs :)

Me and Matt at Mom and Dad's on Thanksgiving. We didn't dress to match on purpose, but I think we look cute as hell :)

Dad and Mom on Thanksgiving. We have SO much to be thankful for this year. This summer shook our family to the core, but we made it! This was definately my best Thanksgiving ever. I don't even know how to express how grateful I am to have been able to have all of my family together for Thanksgiving. I don't want anything for Christmas this year, just a duplicate of Thanksgiving will make me perfectly happy :)

My brother and Dad talking around the table before Thanksgiving dinner. I love you, Joe. It's been a rough year, and you have been absolutely amazing. You have grown into a strong, smart young man, and I couldn't be more proud of you. I might not say that enough, so now you have it in writing :)

After we ate at my parents house, we went down to Charlie and Ann's (Matt's dad and step-mom) for more Thanksgiving food :) Here is Lex, Matt's brother, before dinner.

Here is me with John Mills, Matt's little brother. He informed me during dinner that we aren't BFF, but we are BFN, which he says means "best friends now", because he can't make any garuantees about the future, lol. Pretty sharp for a 9 year old :)

For all the bitching that I have done, you would think that I would despise NaBloPoMo. Actually, I have really enjoyed it. It is definately inspiring and makes me want to post more often than I ever did in the past. I am going to try to keep posting at least a few times a week. Thank you to everyone who has been watching my blog. I hope you guys have enjoyed NaBloPoMo as much as I have. :)

Matt Lincoln

2008-11-28T22:19:00.001-05:00

Create your own FACEinHOLE

16 Things About Me

2008-11-27T03:54:00.000-05:00

Me, during a rendition of "Vogue" by Madonna. This was performed in the back seat of Debi's car. See #15.

At Kitho's suggestion, here are 16 things you may or may not already know about me. Of course, I'm not gonna tell you the juicy stuff, because that would just be too embarrassing. But I will do my best to try to keep in kinda interesting.

I have always been the type of person who has two or three very close friends and many aquintances. I have a lot of numbers stored on my cell phone but I only actually use about 5 of them. I would rather spend my time developing a tight relationship with someone than have a gazillion friends and not have the time to really get to know any of them that well. I feel like it would be a waste of my time and there. This is something that has caused me a lot of trouble in life. Every time I switched schools or jobs, in never made close friends with most of the people around me and I am often thought to be a bitch.

If I could have any kind of pet imaginable, I would want a small furry elephant. It would be about the size of a cocker spaniel. Short fur like a Jack Russell.

The farthest north I have ever travelled was to Detroit. The farthest south I have ever travelled was to Florida. The farthest west i have ever travelled was to Texas and the farthest east I have ever travelled was to the outer banks of North Carolina.I have never been on a plane.

I do not know how to swim. I have always had this stupid idea that if I were in a situation where I had to swim or die, the ability to swim would just come to me.

I have a bad habit of quoting song lyrics.

I love Schlotsky's and I cried (ok, I had PMS, but they were real tears) when all of the Schlotsky's in WNC closed in one day.

I never forget a birthday. I even know the birthdays of some people that died before I was born.

I was making out with a guy for the first time (not my first time ever, my first time making out with that guy, silly) when Princess Diana died and I was at the gynocologists office when the planes hit the World Trade Center. Weird. Even weirder, the guy that I was making out with when Princess Di died was in the waiting room at my gyno's office and watched the planes hit on the TV there. I couldn't hear anything that day, and was totally oblivious, locked in an exam room.

I know this is bad for my skin, but I have to have both hands on my face in order to fall asleep.

I was sent to the principals office once in my entire public school career. A girl (who shall remain nameless) started crying and ran back into the school during recess. I chased after her to comfort her. I got in deep shit, she got in no trouble at all.

I am obsessed with my day planner and could not live without it. I tried a Palm Pilot, but there is just something about having it all in my own handwriting. I love looking back at the old ones.

I have tried to play more musical instruments than I can count. Clarinet. Piano. Guitar. Violin. The list goes on. Music is obviously not my thing. Sorry, Mom and Dad, for all the money you shelled out before I figured that out. And thank you for always letting me know that it was ok to quit, that I would find something I enjoyed and felt like I was good at if i just kept looking.

I shaved my head November 26, 2006. Just realized typing this that today is the two year anniversary. I did it WAY before Britney Spears and I warned my family ahead of time so they wouldnt think that I had gone insane. It was just something that I always wanted to do and it was one of the most liberating experiences of my life.

When I was in 6th grade I shoved bubble gum in my best friends hair. I was old enough to know better and I wasn't mad at her. I have no idea what made me do it. I spent hours trying to get it out. I still feel guilty.

I sing in the car, loudly. I used to limit this to when I was in the car alone, but now I do it pretty much anywhere. Give me a drink and a willing partner or audience and I will belt out pretty much anything. I am NOT a good singer. It's like a mad American Idol audition. I love to sing and really hope that one day I wake up, speak, and my voice sounds like Whitney Houston. That would make me happier than you can imagine.

I didn't get the chicken pox until I was 16 and it was hell. I had been exposed a gazillion times and was beginning to think that I was immune. My brother came home from kindergarten the day before Christmas break started and he had them. It took about two weeks, but then I got them. Because of that I can no longer use Aveeno or Dial products without wanting to vomit.

If you stuck around for all 16, than thank you! Hope you enjoyed this :)

Car Talk

2008-11-27T00:35:00.000-05:00

My brother: "There is all this stupid crap going around about what a slut Madonna is. People are saying that she sleeps with her back-up dancers and shit. That's stupid."

(I interupt): "Why in the hell would she need to sleep with back-up dancers? She can sleep with anyone she wants"

My brother: "That's what I said!! Yeah, and most of the back up dancers are probably gay anyway"

Me: "Good point. Besides sleeping with back up dancers is so J. Lo. She could have married P. Diddy or Puffy or Sean Combs or ...I think he was Puff Daddy when they were together. But, no, she married a back up dancer. And you know she screwed around on Puffy with that dancer while Puffy was in jail."

My brother: "Who would want to marry P. Diddy? He's a total asshole."

Me: "Yeah, but he's got all that money, and he is never home. You could just hang out in the mansion all day with your swimming pool and ginormous jacuzzi. Maybe have a few friends over and watch a movie in the theatre that you would have in the basement."

My brother: "What?! J. Lo can't just sit on her ass all day. She's got movies to make and videos to do and songs to record and stuff. She's a very busy woman!"

Elton Mom

2008-11-27T00:32:00.001-05:00

Create your own FACEinHOLE

I am having too much fun with this.

2008-11-27T00:17:00.001-05:00

Create your own FACEinHOLE

This is the last one tonight. I promise.

2008-11-26T01:14:00.001-05:00

Create your own FACEinHOLE

Matt hated the first one I did of him. Here is shot 2

2008-11-26T00:53:00.001-05:00

Create your own FACEinHOLE

I am having way too much fun with this

2008-11-25T22:53:00.001-05:00

Create your own FACEinHOLE

FACEinHOLE.com

2008-11-25T22:44:00.001-05:00

Create your own FACEinHOLE

Hot Springs: Before We Knew (for sure, at least) That the Landlord was a Nut

2008-11-22T01:17:00.000-05:00

Yes. I did wear my pajammas there and back. All I packed was a bathing suit. Thats how I like to travel :)

Ya'll Need Men?

2008-11-22T00:52:00.000-05:00

Last weekend, Matt and I went with some friends to Hot Springs for a one-night mini-vacation. I had never been to Hot Springs, and was really excited. One hour drive. Hot tub. Some one else is paying the rent. Mini-vacations don't get much better than this. Right?

I started to get a bit nervous on the ride up to the Cabin, when Debi, our lovely driver, informed the rest of us that when she called to make reservations for our cabin, the landlord asked her, calmly, seriously, "Ya'll need men?". Debi told him no, that we would bring our own men, and he responded "that's alright, Ma'am, but if youns changes your mind, you'll need to let me know as soon as ya'll can. These boys ain't bright, just got out of prison, matter of fact. Gonna have to ride all the way up the mountain on they's mules if you need 'em."

Yes, you read that right. The landlord tried to solicit male hookers. Male hookers on mules.

This man further proved his insanity on Saturday morning when he marched up to the door of the cabin and raised holy hell regarding the fact that we had one too many people sleeping in the cabin. Nevermind the 2 a.m. live Elton John cover concert which Erin, Matt and I performed within earshot of this man's porch the night before. That was ok. He never mentioned that. But sleeping one extra person on the sofa seemed to be a serious fucking problem. And of course, he used the old fall-back excuse which seems to always pop up here in the mountains, "Our septic can't handle it."

It's probably for the best that I totally slept through the confrontation that he and Debi had Saturday morning, because I surely would have openned my mouth and caused more trouble than was needed. All in all, when the man who owned our cabin was absent and had his mouth shut, we had a LOVELY trip (thank you, thank you, thank you, Debi). The above picture was taken while we all waited on Debi to return from paying for our night in the cabin. You could cut the tension with a knife. This picture captured it all.

By the way- yes, she did argue with him, and his wife was mortified with his behavior and offered a discount.

Lesson for the Day: Commenting Anonymously

2008-11-22T00:48:00.000-05:00

I have receieved lots of email from people who are too lazy to create a Blogger (that feels the same as typing "booger") account in order to comment. Never fear, lazyasses. You can comment anonymously with just a few quik steps.

1. Click "comment" button at the bottom of the post that you want to comment on.

2. Type your comment in the big white box. It would be a good idea to type your name at the end of your comment unless you wish to remain completely anonymous. If you want a response, you need to tell me who you are. I am not Lady Cleo.

3. Scroll down and enter whatever weird words appear in the box below your comment.

4. Scroll down and click "Anonymous"

5. Click "Submit"

You've Gotta Be Shittin' Me

2008-11-22T00:44:00.000-05:00

I was looking through old pictures tonight, and I came across this picture of Elena. This is an OLD picture! She is only a year old in this one, and she is three now. Where in the hell did the time go? She's still cute and precious, but before we know it she will be all grown up, and little things like water from the hose will not be exciting to her anymore.

Just had to share this with you guys :)

Quotas

2008-11-22T00:29:00.000-05:00

Looking at how I have handled this NaBloPoMo thing, it's becoming very clear how I managed to stay on the Chancellors List in college, and still not graduate. I haven't procrastinated, and picked apart technicalities, like this in YEARS.

So according to the count, I have 17 entries that need to be posted in the next eight days in order to fill my "30 posts in 30 days" quota. Again, this simple technicality is why I chose to post (and stand behind, and defend with everything in me) the NaBloPoMo logo that did NOT stress the intended idea behind National Blog Posting Month, which is obviously to post every day for a month. That logo stated very matter-of-factly, "Do or Do Not, There is No 'Try'". The logo that I chose to post simply states "30 posts in 30 days," and I can promise you that :) I'm doing the best I can here. Perhaps I should have been a politician, I am getting great at excuses :b

I'm a NaBloPoMoNoSho

2008-11-17T22:21:00.000-05:00

OK, I need to take count and see how many entries I need to make up. This is too funny, seems like I have been doing make-up work all of my life. And I have a pretty good idea that make-up work is not even accpted in this class, but I have managed to pick about the details and justify it for myself anyway :b

Waylon is doing well. He has managed to screw up his staples, but I am working as hard as possible to try to get this one wound to heel up anyway. If I take him to the vet and they have to replace the staples he will have to wear THE CONE!! I don't think that my heart can take that right now. He would be miserable and all of the other dogs would make fun of him. Seriously. I worry about that. The "Leader of the Pack" title is really fuckin important to this dog.

NaBloPoMo Damn Good Excuses

2008-11-16T02:28:00.000-05:00

I should have warned you ahead of time that i would be on mini vacation on friday but i didnt. That would be why there is no friday post.

I didn't post today because (he is alright, after $300 and a nervous breakdown on my part) Waylon was hit by a car.

Needless to say I am upset, frazzled, freaked out, all of the above. It was a very very frightening ordeal, and right now I am all full of Boone's Farm (I know it's cheap and shitty, but I love it. You can take the girl out of the south but you can't take the south out of the girl!) and I am in no condition to be seriously blogging.

Thanks for your patience. I'll catch ya'll up later.

Fierce

2008-11-13T23:16:00.001-05:00

Major writers block tonight. Sorry.

Calabash Seafood Dinner for Thrifty, Busy People (or Cheap, Lazy People)

2008-11-12T18:31:00.001-05:00

Ingredients:

One box Ore-Ida frozen french fries, Crinkle Cut or Straight

One box frozen popcorn shrimp (don't get the shrimp poppers. It's hard for thrifty people to resist them, but they are nasty. Trust me.)

One bag slaw mix. If you aren't too busy you can replace this with hand cut cabbage, but I can not be held responsible for any time that adds to this recipe

Mayo

Salt

Sugar

Time needed to complete meal: 12 minutes max (not including oven preheat time)

Directions:

Preheat oven to 450 degrees. Light cigarette and wait. Cover baking sheet with foil so that you won't have to wash it later (you might be busy later). Put desired amount of shrimp on baking sheet. When the oven is preheated, put shrimp in oven and set timer for 11 minutes. Remove lid from box of fries. Smash lid onto fries so that they won't get mushy. Place fries in microwave and set TIMER (you aren't cooking these babies yet) for 7 minutes. Dump slaw mix into bowl with lid, add whatever amount of mayo you desire, season with sugar and salt. Spill salt, throw dash of salt over left shoulder using right hand. Put lid on bowl and shake like hell. Slaw is ready to serve. When the microwave beeps, set it on high and cook fries in microwave for four minutes. Finish cigarette and pour glass of wine. Microwave and oven should beep simultaneously. Remove fries from microwave and dump on plate. Remove shrimp from oven and dump on plate. Dump some slaw on plate. Serve with ketchup, cocktail or tarter sauce. Eat.

Waylon, Audrey, and ___________

2008-11-11T23:30:00.000-05:00

So we got a new puppy baby. I know. I know. The last thing we need is another damn dog. I've heard it before, and thanks for your opinions, but I already know. I don't need you to tell me. Resist the urge.

If I were any kind of puppy mommy at all I would already have posted pics on here. The truth of the matter is, I haven't even taken any pics of the lil' feller. I have like 2 pics on my phone, but those always look so blurred on here. With the lack of pictures and all, just imagine, a Jack Russell, just like Waylon, but with no spots. He is solid white, and vewy wittle - I mean very little. (Sorry. I've been on puppy talk for days!)

It is bad enough that there are no pics yet, but what is worse is that we have had him near a week and he has no name yet! Help us! Some of you may remember the old white cat that Steven and I had. White Kitty. We were not creative pet namers. Please help this dog end up with a better name than "White Puppy." Suggest a name!

So here is what you have to work with: we need a name that sounds good with Matt, Rachel, Waylon and Audrey. It doesn't matter really what we name the dog, because he is deaf. Deaf deaf. So he doesn't have to learn to respond to it and he will never feel humiliated by it (don't tell me dogs don't get humiliated. I really think they do). Honestly, we just need something that will look pleasing on the Christmas cards.

Any ideas?

Ok, I felt bad about the lack of pic, so here is the best that I could do without leaving the couch. It's a camera phone pic, but at least its better than no visual at all.

Teeny tiny picture of teeny tiny nameless fur baby.

In language RaNillaic

2008-11-10T17:59:00.001-05:00

Remember do you when this pic taken was? Apple Parade the we were at. Drive not did we yet. Dropped off us Mom my. Birkenstocks first the pair ever I owned wearing am I. Buried in those shoes do I want to be. Loved you so much I even then back. Know did I not I that could love you more even today. Young were we. Where would road take us did we not know. Smart we thought we were. License today child the background in stroller in got probably drivers it's . Street Main never be the same will it since days wondered it together we. Historic.

Mail you will I five dollars picture if you can tell me who was taken by.

In English for normal people:

Do you remember when this pic was taken? We were at the Apple Parade. We did not drive yet. My mom dropped us off. I am wearing the first pair of Birkenstocks I ever owned. I want to be buried in those shoes. I loved you so much even back then. I did not know that I could love you even more today. We were young. We did not know where the road would take us. We thought we were smart. The child behind us in the stroller probably got it's driver's license today. Main Street will never be the same since the days we wondered it together. Historic.

Challenge will not be translated. If you can translate it yourself and you also know who took it, then you are the person who took it, and in that case, oh my God, how are you?

Sunday is my Grumpy Day

2008-11-09T18:47:00.000-05:00

Ok, I never noticed before that sweet tarts are really called sweetarts. One T. I don't like that. That's more like sweet arts. The people at Nestle make good candy but can't spell.

Is anyone noticing that I am getting really lazy with this NaBloPoMo thing? I always think of neat crap to write about when I am nowhere near the computer. When I get online I either can't remember the topic or have decided that it sucked in the first place. I find myself in front of this computer night after night, constantly fighting the urge to complain about one thing or the other.

Why am I so determined to complete this? I fear that it is bringing out the worst in me. How long can you guys really listen to me bitch? Look at this picture. Waylon is licking his ass on the sofa and I am so frustrated with the blog that I don't care! I have sucked the life out of that cigarette to the point that it isn't burning anymore. My right hand looks like it is holding a phantom wine glass. I am determined to finish what I started here, which is unlike me, and making me crabby, if you haven't noticed.

Only 23 posts to go. I really am enjoying this. I think.

Pictures and Words

2008-11-08T22:15:00.000-05:00

Picture

Words

I would say that this picture was probably taken the Christmas before I turned 16 at approximately 4:30 am. My brother, Joe, would've been on the other side of the camera somewhere. He was five, and at the golden age where a child is at the peak of believing. When I was a little kid, my parents had a rule that no gifts would be opened before 6 a.m. on Christmas day, but we all bent this rule for my brother, because it was such a joy to watch him open everything. My cousin Megan is to my right in this picture, and along with Mom and Dad, we have been Santa all night. It was a blessing to get to experience something so cool at such a young age.

Note: This would have been a really cool post. I was going to do 3 or four pictures and tell the stories behind them. The pics were chosen at random by going to my photo folder and holding down the arrow key for a few seconds and stopping. I was going to write about whatever pic i got stuck with. This post can not be completed because there is something totally wrong with blogger that will not let me upload photos right now. I'll try it again later, but I am too lazy to think of a whole new idea and I am on a NaBloPoMo deadline here. Sorry. All complaints can be sent to www.blogger.com :)

NaBloPoMo Loophole and Yesterday's Post on Local Scenery

2008-11-08T11:40:00.000-05:00

Ok, I didn't do a post yesterday. Now you can all see why I chose the NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month) logo that says "30 posts in 30 days." While I think that posting everyday is a wonderful idea, that doesn't change the fact that I am lazy. Technically, "30 posts in 30 days" means "30 posts in 30 days", not "a post a day for 30 days," although that is the ideal. The reality is that I forget, procrastinate, even run out of things to say, if you can believe that! I promise to meet the quota, but obviously there are gonna be times when I have to post twice in one day in order to catch up with the people that are more NaBloPoMo committed than I.

Read post below as if it were posted yesterday :)

I live near a lake, which means that there is a constant flow of pedestrians in front of my house on any given day. Needless to say, it is annoying and entertaining all at once. Here are some of my faves. I wish I had pics to show you, but I just never happen to be sitting in the yard with a camera when these people walk (or run, jog, attempt to run) past.

80's jogger guy
Preferred method of moving: slow jog. Very slow jog. He thinks he is really movin' it, and is usually sweaty.
Apperal: In summer months, you can catch this guy sporting terry cloth daisy dukes with matching cotton blend tank top and fuzzy headband. During winter, he wears the summer outfits with tights or long johns.
What makes him noteworthy: This guy has to be at least 70. He does this run around the lake (1.6 miles) daily. He looks like an idiot and he doesn't care. He sees no need to update his wardrobe to keep up with the more trendy joggers. He's frugal, and I can identify with that. I admire his tenacity and the fact that he lets my dog bark like an madman at him, and he doesn't even give the dog a glance. He's crazy, he doesn't care that my dog is crazy, therefor he is one of my fave neighborhood pedestrians (FNP).

Dr. M (won't give his full name because he is lawsuit happy)
Preferred method of moving: Haulin ass
Apperal: If his coworkers saw this shit they would puke.
What makes him noteworthy: The fact that he attacked my dog when the dog weighed about 4 pounds. This guy was my doc for a while, and always seemed so soft-spoken. Who would think that he would be scared of a tiny dog? Also he has a nasty habit of wiping the sweat from his face with his shirt, showing the excessive amount of hair on his belly. Hopefully it is evident why he is no longer my doctor. One should never see their own doctor's belly hair, or have to scream at them for launching a rock at a puppy.

Mrs. Jennings
Preferred method of moving: She, and her walker, move slow.
Apperal: moo moo
What makes her noteworthy: see "preferred method of moving." This lady doesn't mind causing a traffic jam to get her daily exercise and I hope that I am that active when I am her age, which I estimate to be somewhere near 114. Seriously though, she is really cute.

I could go on all day, but my hand is starting to hurt, so only one more. Sorry. I know you are disappointed.

"Where in the hell is his mother?" kid
Preferred method of moving: he has progressed from tricycle, to bicycle with training wheels, and this year, he ditched the training wheels.
Apperal: Whatever fits, no regard to climate. Enjoys traveling sans shoes.
What makes him noteworthy: I have watched this kid grow up during the years that I have lived in this house and I have never once seen an adult with him. He was about 4 when we moved in, and it was so scary to see him ride around on a tricycle in the middle of a curvy public road. For four years now, I have resisted the urge to follow him home, grab his parent(s)/guardian(s) and scream "CHERISH YOUR CHILD!!!" in their face.

Ok, thats it. If you actually read this far, thank you!

Back in My Day (dedicated to Abi)

2008-11-06T23:09:00.000-05:00

Does anyone else remember phony bologna? It was bubble gum that was shaped like bologna and came in a pack that looked like an Oscar Meyer package.

What about the hot dog shaped bubble gum?

Remember when they sold candy cigarettes and you weren't considered a lousy parent if you bought them for your kid?

I remember in 1989 when my Aunt Kathy dressed as a "woman of the 90's" for Halloween.

My little brother thought I was kidding when I told him that Michael Jackson was once black.

Was anyone else the first kid to get on the bus in the morning and the last kid to get off the bus in the afternoon?

I have been driving for 11 years. I remember when I had 11 years to go before I could get my license.

Not to sound like that "Strawberry Wine" song, but I still remember when 30 was old. Wait a minute. 30 still seems old, it's just not far away anymore.

It used to be really taboo to talk about maxi pads or tampons.

I think I was the last person in my class to figure out what the hell a "BJ" was.

As a child, I wondered if Ronald Reagan and Ronald McDonald were related.

Remember what Chelsea Clinton looked like when Bill was inaugurated the first time?

I was working on a topographical play-doh map of North Carolina when the first President Bush turned Operation Desert Shield into a war by changing the name to "Operation Desert Storm." The principal at my school played "Proud to be an American" by Lee Greenwood on the intercom every day after the morning announcements.

My dad had matching Chevelles. One black, one white, both had red interior.

When did leaves changing colors become exciting??

Remember when sex in the back seat of a car sounded like a fun idea instead of a recipe for a backache?

My grandmother didn't have a water hose and we had to fill the kiddie pool with gallon jugs each summer. This is a great way to make your kids want to keep the pool clean.

I still have my Cabbage Patch Kid. I won't tell you the date on it's butt, but it's hair is still screwed up from riding to Gramma's on the back of dad's Harley.

I used to get annoyed that Mom could never leave the house without making a trip back inside to get something she had forgotten. That's me now, and I embrace it, though it annoys others.

I figured all cars would have doors that open up instead of out by now.

One day I'll look back on this. Hopefully when I am 60 something. Then I'll really have good reason to feel old.

(Note to my future self: You aren't old. Oprah said 50 was the new 30, so in Oprah years, you are only 40 something :b By the way, in case you don't remember, Oprah Winfrey hosted a very popular talk show back in your day. It's probably available on DVD somewhere, if they still make those.)

Late, as usual

2008-11-06T21:26:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I forgot to do a blog post yesterday, so you guys are getting two today!! Please try to contain your excitement.

I'm gonna start this one off by doing some bitchin. I had a friend on facebook whose status comment on election night was "I am glad Obama won so that I don't have to listen to another 4 years of whining from liberals." Thats some passive aggressive whining if I have ever heard it. I am so sick of people complaining about how much liberals complain. I realize that I am a complaining liberal right now, but I don't give a damn. Why is it not OK to disagree with the government? I am all for respecting the president, but I also believe that he is doing a job for the American people. We pay the man, and we should be able to bitch when he doesn't do a satisfactory job. I am about as liberal as they come but if Obama screws up, you can bet your ass that I'll be the first to complain, but something tells me that you guys know that already.

Here is more bitching. I went to Chick-Fil-A (the spelling of that really bothers me, by the way) today and noticed that they have skipped straight from Halloween to Christmas with their decorations and specialty items. Thats right folks, today is November 6th and you can get a peppermint chocolate chip milkshake at Chick-Fil-A. Maybe it's a winter item and not a Christmas item, but I doubt that. Five dollars to anyone that wants to bet against me that the peppermint shake will be gone by January 1. Wal-mart is already playing holiday music on the intercom, which I can't even hear, but Lex was nice enough to point it out to me. They also have a full assortment of green, white, pink AND purple faux trees on sale, to suit your tacky holiday needs. Blockbuster had a sign on the door yesterday that said "50 shopping days left until Christmas." FIFTY DAYS??? IT IS NOT TIME PUT THE SIGN UP YET!!

Ok, I'm gonna go have a glass of wine, to go with my whine. Check later for a more pleasant post.

It's gonna be a short one tonight, kids. Mama has been waiting on this glass of champagne for 8 years.

2008-11-05T00:12:00.000-05:00

I never thought I would live to see the day that a black person or woman held the office of the President of the United States of America. I always knew that it would happen one day. That eventually someone who would have previously been labeled as "downtrodden" would be sitting at he top. 100 years ago women couldn't vote. 50 years ago a black man had to sit at the back of the bus. In January 2009, a black man will take his seat in the oval office. I feel like I have lived through a piece of history that I will never forget. How will I ever explain it to the kids that I don't have yet, that being a minority used to be a real disadvantage? I am actually proud to be an American tonight. Maybe now I can take a trip to Europe and not feel like I have to tell everyone that I am Canadian :)

In between expressions

2008-11-03T21:07:00.000-05:00

I have never been a photogenic person. Just look at my third grade school picture and that's proof enough that I've never been a star in front of the camera.

What really gets me though, is that I always seem to get caught by the camera in between facial expressions. I'm always the girl that looks half happy/half sad. Here is a great pic that was taken at my cousin Jessie's wedding last weekend. I was the Maid of Honor. Can you even believe how I can ruin hours spent on hair and make-up with just one snap of the lense?

Scary, huh?

And now, here is what I like to think I really look like all the time :)

Someone please tell me that I am not the only one that gets screwed by the camera almost every time it is pointed my way.

Thank you Dr. Sampson!!

2008-09-04T23:51:00.000-04:00

THE TUMOR IS GONE!!!! Dad got out of surgery today at about 4:00 pm. The surgery only lasted 8 hours, opposed to the 10-12 hours which we were expecting. Dr. Sampson was able to get the entire tumor out.

I got to see day for a short while in the ICU around 7 this afternoon and he was awake and alert, although he was pretty cranky and a little confused which were expected side effects of the anesthesia. He was making jokes and giving the nurses hell. He has some swelling, another thing that we were told was inevitable with this type of operation. The swelling should subside a lot tonight and in the coming days and he we be moved from ICU or sent home.

Thanks to everyone for all of the kind words, well wishes, and prayers. It means more than you could know. Just one move favor, lets all send some prayers and positive energy out there in hopes that he will be able to come home as soon as possible. He has already made it clear that he is ready to get back to the "Ponderosa".

No clever title this time :b

2008-09-03T20:24:00.000-04:00

Just wanted to let everyone know that we are here in Durham and everything is going as planned. Yesterday dad did a lot of pre-op stuff, meeting with the anesthiologist, some kinda special MRI, etc. Today they embolized the tumor, which means that they put some type of microscopic particals in the veins that feed the tumor so that the tumor will stop getting any blood supply and begin to die tonight. They still haven't told us what time they will start the surgery tomorrow. That seems to me the million dollar question :b.

Dad has been admitted into the hospital and will spend one night in the room he is in now. After the surgery he will be put in the ICU and probably remain pretty heavily sedated until Friday morning. He is in good spirits despite a really bad headache, which the docs said to expect after the embolization.

Thats about all for now. Please keep the thoughts and prayers coming. We appreciate you all!

Valium from God

2008-08-31T17:47:00.001-04:00

Tomorrow is the day of departure. Matt, Mom, Dad and I will hop in our rented minivan to make the trip to Duke University to have dad's brain tumor removed. Our bags are packed (ok, I'll confess, I'm not packed yet, but Mom and Dad damn sure are!). Hotel reservations for the days before the surgery are set, as well as appointment times for tests before Dad is admitted to the hospital. Dad's got a new haircut (I cut it myself and I have to say it's simply marvelous), my legs are shaved and the MP3 player is charged. It's time to go.

Although this is a trip that I would rather we didn't have to make, I am ready. We have had over a month of anticipation of Dad's surgery and it has not been easy. Now finally the time has come to actually move forward towards progress and get out of the stagnant state that the entire family has been left in. We are all looking forward to getting this show on the road.

******************************

I had a spiritual moment the other day. Some would call it an epiphany, others a message from God. My uncle Wayne called it "one of those times when God drops you a valium." I was in the minivan, singing along with Elton John's "Original Sin", thinking very deeply about something very important that has nothing to do with Dad or his well being. Traffic clogged up and I ended up sitting on a bridge that crossed over the interstate. Traffic wasn't moving in the lane next to me either, and I looked beside me and saw a man on a motorcycle. His beard and hair looked identical to my Dad's new haircut, and he was grinning ear to ear for some reason. He was wearing and old helmet like the one Dad had when I was a kid. He never looked at me, but when I saw him I had a wave of warmth and contentment that flooded over me. I had an absolute certain feeling that Dad would be back on his motorcycle soon and that like Bob Marley says "every little thing is gonna be alright now." God dropped me a valium, to help me calm down, and see that I'm ok, and we'll be ok. I also instantly felt a feeling of resolution and peace about the problem that I was thinking about before I saw the man on the bike. It was one of those moments that are too rare in life

I am not into organized religion, but I am a spiritual person. I was not alone in the van. One or more of my angels was with me. I would like to thank everyone for their prayers and thoughts. Please continue to pray for Dad and for the angel or angels to stay with us so that one day someone will be stopped in traffic beside my Dad, on his Harley, grinning ear to ear.

9 days and counting

2008-08-23T01:01:00.000-04:00

Mom's Lillies. Life is beautiful even when chaotic :)

Its hard to believe that our date of departure for Dads surgery at Duke is only 9 days away. When this all started it seemed like waiting all the way through the month of August would be hell. It hasn't been easy, but it's definately gone faster than I thought that it would.

Of course, I'm scared. Who wouldn't be? But at the same time, I am fully aware that this situation is out of my hands and I have a secure feeling that everything will turn out ok. I am looking forward to seeing dad be able to get back to doing the things that he enjoys so much. I can't wait to go through the holidays this year with everyone healthy and happy. I have a strong feeling that this is going to be one of the best Christmases of my life.

Dad used to sing this song all the time when I was a kid. The chorus was "Sometimes, all I need is the air that I breathe and to love you." The song starts out with the words "If I could make a wish, I think I'd pass. Can't think of anything I need." This entire journey with dad has really openned my eyes to the truth in that song. Sometimes all I need is the air that I breathe, and to love the people that mean the most to me. But at the same time, If I could make a wish, there is no chance in hell that I would pass right now. I can definately say that there is something that I need and we all know what it is. Hopefully our super surgeon at Duke can give me what I need and three weeks from now, I hope to be able to say that if I could make a wish, I would pass.

Keep dad in your thought and prayers, and I'll do my best to keep everyone updated.

Beloved Land of my Ancestors

2008-08-10T18:36:00.000-04:00

Matt's birthday was a few weeks ago and we celebrated by going to Harrah's in Cherokee. This has become a tradition of sorts. Well, I guess you could say that, we've gone two years in a row.

Harrah's never fails to amaze me. I think that it's the only place left on earth where you can smoke anywhere on the property and inside the casino and hotel. The entire place is tinged with that slight smell of cigarette smoke filtered through the air conditioning system. It smells like my car. The Cherokees are fond of their tobacco, but frown upon drinking. There is no alcohol in the joint, but all the free Coke and coffee you want. And, of course, you can win money!! Its truly a marvelous place.

Having said all that, I have to say that it's true that the house always wins. Harrahs is now employing some interesting psychological techniques to keep people in the game. They have always had "rewards cards" which you clip to your shirt and insert in the machine while you play. In the old days, those cards accumulated points as you played and you could redeem the points for free dinners and things like that. The deal with the cards has changed. You still get your rewards points, but now you MUST put the card in the machine to play. Let me put that more plainly... If you want to play, you must tether yourself to the machine. You could always not clip the card to your shirt, but if you screw up and lose it you aren't gonna be playing anything again until you stand in line for an hour to get a new card. They have also arranged this amazing new system where you can't even SEE the money that you are losing. Cash is eliminated from the whole equation as soon as possible. The slot machines only take bills worth $5 or more. You bet "credits" not quarters. If you win the big bucks, its not like it is in the movies. Quarters don't start flying out of the machine, you just get more credits. If you choose to cash out, you still don't get a flood of quarters. You get a ticket printed by the machine which contains a barcode that you scan at an ATM-like machine and get crisp bills. Not a flood of quarters. I cant express how disappointing that is. If I win a million dollars at a slot machine, I want change flying everywhere!! And then I want to have buckets of change and I want to have to get a gaurd with a luggage cart to escort me to the cashier. Technology has changed the world, in ways good and bad. If you ask me, technology has stripped a lot of the fun from the slot machines, and it's definately given the house a bigger advantage. It's so much easier to spend money you can't really see. Its easier to bet "4 credits" than it is to bet a real dollar. And when you are ahead of the game, it's harder to take your money and run when you have to wait for your ticket to print and then physically detach yourself from the machine.

I'm a light-weight gambler. I never enter the casino with more that $20 and I never leave with more than ten cents. I play the nickel slots, so as to stretch that $20 as far as possible. At one point I was up $6, but I gambled that away as fast as the machine would let me. Once it was all gone, I detached myself from the machine and "cashed out". The machine was kind enough to print me a ticket for $0.00, which is redeemable at any of the cash machines located by the beverages.

I know Harrah's is trying to fuck with my head and steal my money, thats why I only play $20. However, they do give me free coffee, the small hope of winning a dollar and they let me smoke wherever I please. To me, thats a good time. Now, if they cut out the free coffee, it's over between us.

Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans

2008-08-03T23:49:00.000-04:00

I have been totally nocturnal for the past week and its driving me insane. Doesn't matter when I go to bed, I won't fall asleep til at least 5 am and then i sleep til 3 or 4. Aside from the fact that I have about a gazillion things that need to be done during business hours, I am beginning to miss daylight. And other people who live in the daylight. I have got to figure a way to turn this all around, and I have a feeling that its going to involve serious sleep depravation.

I think that James Gandolfini is staying at the Inn near my house. I swear, I've seen him twice around the neighborhood this week. Next time I just gonna yell out "Hey Tony!!" and see if he responds. Then I'm gonna tell him that he should've had richie's smart ass popped before Janice ended up having to do it for him.

I've been thinking about my Gramma Neal a lot lately. I keep hearing songs that i associate with her death for some reason or another. Gramma if your sending signals or something, I'm getting them. Have you been stealing cigarettes again? I've noticed a lighter shortage too, lol. I miss you, love you, and hope you are having a blast where ever you are. Don't go too far away. :)

Dad's surgery date has been set. Testing and more testing at Duke on September 2 and 3. Actual surgery will be performed on September 4. I found out this week that dad's neurosurgeon, Dr. Sampson, assisted in Ted Kennedys operation in which he had a brain tumor removed. According to the doc, Ted is progressing as planned. His tumor was cancerous and he is undergoing radiotherepy and chemo. Dr. Sampson is pretty sure that dad's tumor is not cancerous and won't need treatment after the surgery. Keep him in your thoughts and prayers. Its gonna be a tough month to have to wait for the surgery. Of course we would all like to have it done and over with as soon as possible, but the 4th of September was the only day that the doc could get his posse together to help him out all day.

Thats about all I have for now. I am not feeling very creative today. Just having a lazy Sunday. Hope everyone is well. :)

Pins and Needles

2008-07-19T17:34:00.000-04:00

The parents and I left town on Thursday to go to Duke University to see a neurosurgeon about ATGIAK (if you don't know what that acronym means, see previous post titled "Ya Vo, Motherfucker, Ya Vo"). I'll admit, I was a bit worried about the trip. What will the doctor say? Will they admit dad right away? Is the alignment on the car gonna screw up? (Don't ask, I can't tell you why I worry about that obsessively on all road trips.) Will dad be ok if I smoke in the car on the way down there? Ok, so the last worry is a bit self-centered, but it's a 4 and a half hour drive, and I'm being honest here.

I was hoping that the doctor would just tell us that ATGIAK disappeared. That would have been the best case scenario, but of course I knew that wasn't going to happen. Still, it can't hurt to hope. Anyway, I don't think that anyone with realistic expectations would be able to think that our trip could have gone any better than it actually did. We saw the doctor Friday. He and his nurse practitioner were both amazing. He will be removing ATGIAK in early September (the 4th, but that date isn't set in stone yet). It will be a long surgery, and risky, but the surgeon seemed confident that he could remove all of ATGIAK without major complications. I trust him. He made eye contact with us. That means a lot in the medical world.

So now we wait. Again. But I have to admit, it feels a lot better now that we actually know what we are waiting for. It's scary, but it feels good to finally have a game plan. Not to mention the fact that I feel like dad's brain is in great hands with the doctor at Duke.

During the exam, the nurse practitioner poked dad (gently, everything this woman does is done gently) all over his left side with a safety pin. She wanted to know if he could tell, with his eyes closed, whether she was poking him with the sharp end or the rounded end. I took that safety pin when we left. I intend to wear it until dad can pass that test. When that day arrives, I'm going to poke the hell out him with it out of sheer happiness. :) I know. It's weird, but I just felt compelled to keep the safety pin for some reason. I'm not really gonna stab him with it, but I do feel that it's a bit symbolic of the problem, and will also be symbolic in knowing when the problem is resolved. Doctors want MRIs and Arteriograms, but I cant read that crap. The safety pin test tells me more, while we wait for the docs to tell us what their fancier tests say.

I'll keep you posted if anything new pops up. Otherwise, thank you to everyone for all the well-wishes and prayers, and keep 'em comin'. :) You guys have no idea how helpful it really is.

Sidenote: Before Thursday I hadn't been out of town with my parents in at least 15 years. Also, I think I have picked up some kind of illness involving lots of snot and tiredness. When I am feeling more energetic I will post more about the actual trip itself, which was interesting and entertaining despite our cause for going on the trip in the first place.

The Next Step

2008-07-16T00:24:00.000-04:00

So Dad saw his neurologist Monday. He told us that he didnt think that they could remove as much of the tumor at Mission as they could at Duke, so we are off to Duke on Thursday. His appointment is Friday morning.

I am optimistic. I looked up dad's doctor at Duke and he seems to be highly credentialed (is that a word?) and has won all kinds of awards and stuff. I don't know if we will just be talking to the doctor and then coming home Friday or if they will admit him for testing or surgery right away. So, in other words, I might be out of town for one night or I could be away indefinately. I am hoping that they get on the whole removal thing fast, so that dad can get to feeling better faster, but we'll just have to see what happens.

I'll keep you updated.

Two Out of Three Ain't as Good as I Thought it Was, Still Ain't Bad

2008-07-13T15:38:00.000-04:00

I was chatting on messenger with my friend Gina last night. I had drank a glass of wine. I was feelin alright. I decided to mention to Gina how much I love Meatloaf. The artist, not the food. She disagreed, "I like meatloaf. The food, not the artist."

On the way home from Cocula the other day I heard "Two Out of Three Ain't Bad." God, I love that song. Always thought it was one of the sweetest love songs of all time. Wouldn't if feel great to hear someone say to you, "I want you, I need you, and there ain't no way I'm ever gonna leave you"? Isn' t that what we all want? Unconditional love? How can Gina hate that? Anyway, it had been rolling around my head, and flying obnoxiously out of my mouth, a lot. Last night, while I was chatting with Gina, I decided to look up the lyrics. I thought, if the chorus is so good, I bet reading the song in its entirety would be like beautiful poetry.

Once I started reading the lyrics, that idea flew out the window like a bat out of Hell. (Sorry, couldn't resist the pun.)

All these years I've been belting out, "I want you, I need you, and there ain't know way I'm ever gonna LEAVE you." I always wondered what the hell he meant with the next line, "So don't be sad, don't be sad, two out of three ain't bad." But I thought maybe he was high when he wrote it. Or maybe he thought that she didn't feel the same way about him, (with all that wantin and needin and never leavin stuff) but he was willing to cut his losses and take two out of three if she thought she could handle that. You know, lighten the load a little. I'm reading the lyrics last night, and there in print, so damn obvious, "I want you, I need you, but there ain't now way I'm ever gonna LOVE you". AAARRGGGHHH!!!!!!! That's why Gina hates this asshole!

I feel totally betrayed. Well maybe not totally.

It's still a love song, but not at all the one I thought it was all these years. I thought he was professing his undying love TO someone. Really, he is professing his undying love FOR someone else TO a woman who is madly in love with him. He's flat out saying, "You love me but I don't love you." Damn. That's some harsh shit to say to someone. But the loaf is hurting too, you know? And at least he is being honest with this girl. He just isn't saying the romantic mush I thought he was. Still beautiful poetry.

Here's a link to the lyrics. http://www.lyricsfreak.com/m/meat+loaf/two+out+of+three+aint+bad_20091283.html

I still like the artist more than the food. He's got some catchy tunes, and thats better than a wad of ground beef and ketchup.

By the way... meatloaf. meat loaf. one word or two?

Lovely Rita, Meter Maid

2008-07-12T01:28:00.000-04:00

I went with my friend, Lex, VERY early this morning to adopt a dog from the animal shelter. I thought that it would be something fun and positive, and I am always up for any kind of shopping for dogs. There is nothing more fun than bringing a dog home and letting them become a part of your family. He has been talking about getting a dog for a while, and he has a beautiful cabin in the woods of Saluda that would be a paradise for anything furry with four legs.

When we got to the shelter, Lex was immediatly smitten with a lovely Mutt named Susie. He HAD to have her. The feeling was mutual. From the second that she was taken out to of the kennel so that Lex could walk her around and get a feel for her personality she was stuck to him like glue and wouldn't leave his side. We went through all the paperwork and before we knew it we had Susie in the car and ready to see her new home. Of course, the name Susie just had to go. I am very close to a human Suzi, so that would have been weird. Plus the name just didnt fit her. Lex settled on Rita, which strangely fits :) Rita had only been in the shelter for three days, she was reliqueshed (I'm sure I spelled that wrong) by her family for reasons that we dont know. She's cute as a button, but needs to fatten up a little :) She LOVES riding in the car, as you can see:) It is amazing how quikly she has bonded to Lex and I can't wait for her to meet our dogs, Waylon and Audrey. I have a feeling that she and Waylon are gonna be best buds. She comes when you call her, hopefully she will teach Waylon how to do that!

Congratulations Lex and Rita. Who said there's no such thing as love at first sight?

Oops

2008-07-10T18:42:00.000-04:00

Hey guys. Just realized that I had my comments settings messed up. Somehow I managed to set it up so that I couldn't receive any comments, but I fixed it. So comment away!!

Good Times in the Meantime :)

2008-07-10T18:28:00.000-04:00

Dad and his buddy from work, Doyce, who drove all the way from Rutherford County to come by and "shoot the shit."

Dad's not real big on shirts, never has been. If you are bothered by that, see the adult content warning :)

Hurry up and wait

2008-07-09T23:37:00.001-04:00

Right now, my life is in the waiting room, This picture of Matt pretty much sums up my feelings about it. Right now I'm waiting, exhausted, ready to go already. Dad had his contrast MRI done yesterday, but we still havent gotten any test results. Trust me, that has nothing to do with a lack of nagging on mom's part. If I know her well, she has called the doctor, called the doctor, and called that damn doctor again. I don't blame her. I'd do the same for sure. Dad was wore out from the test yesterday, but from what mom has told me he is feeling better today. Like I said, we are all sitting in Life's waiting room, and when we get called back, I'll be sure to keep everyone updated.

I also want to say thanks for everyone's concern. It means a lot. Keep sending Dad good mojo :)

Ya vo, motherfucker, ya vo

2008-07-05T23:33:00.000-04:00

Life has a way of teaching you what matters. Wednesday was a bitch of a day. The jeep broke down at the gas station. Amazingly, Glen Ramo pops up out of nowhere, insults my intellegence once or twice, as usual, then offers me a ride home. Once in the van he decides he's rather drive me to my parents house. Wtf?? Anyway, the point is that it was the day before payday and something was happenning that was gonna eat my entire fuckin check as usual. I was pissed, but strangely not as much as I would have expected. Subconcious preparation for what was to come.

Then Thursday decided to teach me how shit can really suck. I don't want to go into a lot of details because its hard for me to talk about it, but while I was eating at Cracker Barrel Thursday, smoking a cigarette, sipping a coke, thinking "life could be worse", it did get worse. I got a call from my mom telling me to drive to Mission and meet her there, "Dad has a brain tumor". That'll get a bitch moving.

We don't know a lot about dads tumor, and just typing "dads tumor" makes me want to vomit. From here on out we'll just call it "about to get its ass kicked", since I am trying to remain positive, or Atgiak for short. They let dad home for the weekend. Ever since 3:32 pm on Thursday, I have wanted to be around him non-stop, and without having my car out of the shop that hasn't been possible. We'll know more on Monday when dad has a contrast MRI to get a better look at Atgiak. He will probably be sent to a larger hospital than Mission to kick atgiak's ass.

I'm not one to cry my sorrows from the rooftop, but I am blogging about this because only the people closest to me have access to this blog so I figure you guys should know whats going on. I dont give a damn what your particular spiritual beliefs are but please send whatever good mojo you can muster up to my dad. He doesn't deserve this shit.

Can you see me now?

2008-05-31T12:57:00.000-04:00

Ok Richard, you should get an email after I post this. Lemme know if it works :)

All the cool kids have one.

2008-05-30T22:39:00.000-04:00

Seems like everyone else is blogging these days, so I thought I might as well give it a shot. I'm not sure where to begin so I'll just jump on in.

I just turned 27 at the beginning of this month and I have to say, it's weird. I am now way past mid twenties and smack in the middle of late twenties. I feel like 30 is riding straight up my ass, one day I'll wake up and 30 will have caught me, just like 20, 25, and now 27 have. My landmark birthdays are over. I can buy cigarettes, porn, beer, liquor and rent a car. I'm a grown-ass woman now.

And speaking of birthdays, Waylon will be three next week. It makes me think about how Matt and I have been trying to have a baby. At this very point in time I may be knocked up, but who knows? My period is 2 days late but the pregnancy tests have all been negative. Of course, I went into this whole idea knowing that it was going to be life changing, to say the least. But now I look at the dog, and he is turning 3, and I can't remember where the past three years have gone or what life was like before I got him. Thats what its gonna be like to have a baby, multiplied by about 3 gazilion. I'm apprehensive, but at the same time excited as hell. I honestly don't know what has gotten into me sometimes, and I always thought that I would be doing this at a different time under different conditions, but it feels so right. I have pissed on more sticks than the law should allow, so hopefully one day soon one of them will have two lines instead of one. That is when life will officially turn upside down, and its gonna be a hell of a ride, and I can't wait.

In other news, Waylon escaped from the house twice last week. As many of you guys know, this is a BAD thing, since he "savagely attacked" that bitch back in october, he is one fuck-up away from puppy execution. That having been said, fence building should start soon around here. Matt and I haven't decided exactly how we are gonna do it, but somethings gotta be done. Its summer anyway, and I am so sick of the people who walk around the lake 24 hours a day looking in my windows. Privacy will be nice. I'm sure it will make life less embarassing for that poor kid across the street that has to get off of the bus at out house.

Well, I am ending this here. Sorry if I have bored you to tears, but stick with me. I'm bound to say something interesting at some point or the other.