Heavy

If you are looking to read something all sunshiney and full of rainbows, you might want to skip this blog. I'm in a funk, and I am going to funking talk about it :p

There has been a lot on my mind lately. Lots of things to do, things that I need to get ready to do, things that I should have done already and have not. I'm fine, really, just bogged down with a lot of shit on my mind, and having troubne organizing all that shit and handling it in an effective way, if that makes sense.

My strange ability to remember birthdays, anniversarys and the like has not been handy this year. It has caused me more grief than good. Seem's like every time I turn around it's been ten years since this happenned, or someone would be having a birthday if they were still alive, an anniversary if they were still together, etc. Sometimes I wish that I could just forget. Maybe that would make it easier to ignore some scars that obviously haven't healed yet. Is there really bliss in ignorance? Probably not. Maybe I need to remember these things in order to remember how blessed I really am. Maybe some scars aren't meant to heal. Who knows. I am young yet, so I will have to get back to you after I've done some more living. At this point, I think there are things that will always be raw with me. I've had manny unexpected things happen in my life, some wonderful, some super shitty, and I think most of them I will never forget completely, even if I was able to forget these dates.

Another thing running around in my mind lately are thoughts and concerns for a friend whose husband was recently injured in Afganistan. At first when I found out he had been injured, I wasn't sure whether he was alive or not, because I simply saw someones status update on Facebook that read something to the effect of "sending prayer to the familly". It scared the shit out of me. I know my friend does not want to be a widow. She has made that pretty clear. I was thrilled to learn that her husband is alive, and fully cognitive. But my heart aches for her, her husband, and their children. I have never met my friends husband, yet this feels very close to home. I keep thinking about their bright, adorable kids, and hoping that the day when the entire family is at home, together, under one roof, sharing the same walls comes with lightning speed. I know in the end they will all be ok, once they adjust to whatever their new reality may be. I feel selfish even writing about it, when it is not my family that is goiong through hell. I just feel like I need to air it out somewhere, that I hurt for them, that I appreciate the sacrifice her husband and their entire family has made and wish them some glimmer of normalcy soon, and as much laughter as their hearts can hold during this crappy ass time for them.

And as always, you can add a healthy dose of stress about my hearing on my list of woes. What I wouldn't give to just not have to worry about it at all. To just be able to hear like most people do, and move about my life without having to deal with the bullshit that is caused by my shitty hearing. It is hard not to grow bitter over the way that things shook out regarding my eligibility for a cochlear implant. I deserve one, I feel, and I damn sure need one. I guess I just get a case of the "why me's" every now and then. I know that I am so lucky that things are not worse than they are. This is another area where I feel guilty or selfish expressing how I feel, especially the negative feelings. I know I should be happy to have what I have, and I am. Oh God, am I ever grateful that things are not worse, and they have been in the past, and I never want to go there again. But at the same time, it wouldn't be realistic at all not to acknowledge the fact that I get really pissed off about the situation, the lack of a solution, and every now and then it makes me just want to scream.

So that is what is on my mind. Heavy though  it may be. That's just a bit of it really. There are a lot of lighter things in my head too, thoughts and excitement about Everett's first birthday, my upcoming 30th birthday, and of course, Easter (my favorite!!), excitement about my new lawn mower, etc. and I will write about all that stuff soon. But there is no way that I could sit here and write about easter eggs and freshly cut lawns, without addressing the things that I have been thinking about foremost in the past few days. I needed to get it out, and if you have managed to read all the way to this point, I commend your patience :p Please do not worry about me, I am fine and I don't need anything. But I did have some shit that I needed to get off of my chest, and now I can bubble that one in on the calendar.

Good night. :)

Time Flies

So a few weeks ago I decided I needed to print out some of our pictures of our new little family and put them in a photo album or something. Seems like no one prints pics anymore, and that real life photo albums have gone by the wayside, being replace by facebook mobile uploads and crap like that. Maybe it's because uploading photos is BORING, but I'll get to that later.

Of course, what started as "let's print a few pictures" has turned it "let's scrapbook Everett's entire life, from conception until whenever "the present" happens to be when we finish this enormous project". How to you decide which pictures to print when you think they are all the cutest thing you've ever seen? I've printed apx 400 pictures, and thank God Matt has helped me make a few scrapbook pages.

Matts pages are pretty, with layered sheets of different color papers and cute handwriting. His pictures are all framed with cute little borders and such. They look like they had a lot of time and though put into them. They are great. I assumed I was on my own with this project when I started, so I am super happy to have Matt's help, and its fun for us to work on it together.

My pages look like they were made by a woman who has 400 more pictures to put somewhere. They give the impression that they have been pumped out assembly line style at break-neck speed. They remind me of my moms scrapbook pages, the few that she has completed in her lifetime. Finished long before she ever considered having kids, the pages in moms scrapbook are worn and faded, her handwriting right beside the pictures instead of on clever notecards or whatever. They look rugged, like they have been around for a while, and they have. Those they are not full of luster, I like them because they are hers, just like I like my pages because they are mine, ugly or plain thought they may be :)

I know it will be fun later, to look back on what used to be my scrapbook, but is now a collaborative effort between me and Matt, born in a rush to catch up to present day pictures. It's now part of the family, and it tickles me to think that Everett will one day get to add his own pages. And though I know that not most little boys get a kick out of scrapbooking, and he will probably blow me and Matt off, abandon our arts and crafts one day in favor of something more boyish, I hope that he will take an interest in it while he is little. That way, he will have some of his own creations in the family book that will one day be a treasure to him when he is adult, regardless of how boring it may be when he is a child, or embarrassing it may be when he is an adolescent.

Having said all that, it is my sincerest hope that this project gets finished. I say that because I know myself well. Hell, you have all seen how great my follow-through has been with keeping this blog up-to-date. A lot of my projects turn out that way: half finished. Hopefully we will actually scrapbook all of these pictures, but if we do not, I vow to at least have them all dated and placed in an album in chronological order within a reasonable amount of time, because I am going to be major pissed if I never get anything else done, and have nothing to show for all of the time I have spent uploading pictures to Shutterfly to be printed this week. If there were nothing else to motivate me, I believe that the sheer memory of the pain in the ass that i have endured uploading pics will surely drive me to at least archive them in an organized, and hopefully creative, way.

So with that I shall leave you with something to look at. Looking through all of these pics has really put things into perspective. What a wild and wonderful past year I have had, and damn, its flown by fast!! Here is a picture from a year ago. Man, what a difference a year makes :)

March 16, 2010 - 30 weeks

The reward, a year later :) -

Mommy and Everett March 12, 2011. Everett's ten month birthday.

YAY!!

I finally got a new laptop!!! YAYAYAYAYAAAAY! Gone are the days of the missing "a", "f," and "c" Keys, the jiggly space bar, the mouse pad with the worn out tapper. This should make keeping up with the blog much much easier. If I can't keep up now, then there may be no hope at all :p

In recent news, winter seems to be on its way out for this year, praise Jesus. I have grown old and crotchety and snow sucks now. When you are a kid, it's neat and all. When you are an adult, its just a pain in the ass. Sure as I say this, a blizzard will hit tomorrow, but I really hope not, lol. I'm ready to wear tank tops again!!!!

Everett is now nine months old, and he has figured out how to crawl. He doesn't do it a lot yet, because he mastered the walker a long time ago, and still prefers to be upright instead of on all fours. My baby is so evolved. :) His main objective in life right now is to figure out how to walk without the walker. Any time that he is not eating or asleep, he is working towards this goal and it is with certain level of fear that I know he will achieve this goal probably sooner rather than later. He will be into EVERYTHING! In a way I want it to hurry up and happen for him, because I know he wants it so bad, but there is a smarter side of me that knows not to rush anything :) He is growing way to damn fast as it is.

It doesn't get much better than this.

This is my son. :) I like to say that, so let's do it again. This is my son :)

You guys out in the blogosphere haven't seen him since November of last year, when he was just a wee little fetus. He is now a super cute 4 month old :)

Becoming a mom is probably the most amazing thing that I will ever do in life. I could go on all day about how life changing it is, and how it goes by so fast, and how sometimes it seems to go really slow, and how stressful it is, and how you get these frequent moments of bliss and pure joy like nothing you have ever felt in your life, but the truth is, you will never get it until you become a parent yourself, and I need to get off of the computer and wash bottles....again. :)

This blog could use a name change

Maybe I should change the name of this blog to "Rachel's Excuses For Not Blogging Very Often. Seems fitting.

Today's excuse: I don't have one. I give up. You guys should know me by now. My follow through with this blog sucks. Sorry :p

So anywho, winter is over! Surely as I say that it will snow tomorrow. :p It's been a crappy winter. We were lucky in the fact that we never lost power for more than a few hours during the snow storms, and unlucky in the fact that our driveway seriously resembles a mud pit, lending us to be shut in for at least two days longer than everyone else. Well, everyone else but Steven. My God, I feel guilty complaining when I think about the torture he and Wayne have been through with that God forsaken driveway of theres. Point of the story? Snow really sucks. It's pretty, and thats all that its good for. No wonder Sarah Palin is a nut. The Alaskan snow is eating at her brain.

So the best part of the spring is no snow, and right below that is the flowers. It does my soul some good to watch the flowers sprout and bloom. The tulip tree in our yard bloomed this year. That never happens. It's marvelous. And the best part of the flowers, other than picking them, is taking pictures of them. Yep, you guessed it, I have Spring pictures to share. :) Enjoy :)

First true sign of Spring. Dirty hands!!

So pretty :)

Elena relaxing with Jango

Gratuitous belly pic

Little daffodils and big daffodils

Mi familia enjoying the pretty weather together. Makes me warm and fuzzy inside :)

Mom and Gina in the garden

Pretending she is a princess bride :)

Here is that Tulip Tree I mentioned :)

Matt and Elena are like tiny specks way out on the Green River Bridge.

Uncle Jim in his element

View of the farm from yonder side of the lake

Hello Darlin'. It's been a looooong time.

Hey guys. Sorry that I have totally let this blog go stale. If any of you have been paying attention, you know this happens from time to time. :p Allow me to do my best to try to catch up from where we left off.

I don't even remember when I last posted anything, and I am too lazy to go back and look. So if I haven't told you already, I'm pregnant!! Matt and I are expecting our first in May 2010 and I could not be more excited. I am 12 weeks along, so almost out of the first trimester. We will find out the sex of the baby sometime around Christmas.

I am already learning that pregnancy has its ups and downs. It's really great to have an excuse to eat like a cow and be lazy. If someone is moving, you don't even have to consider that they might ask you to help. Asking for seconds is the hip thing to do. Bitching is expected, so I will start with that now :) I've been tired almost to the point of being completely useless. I have had a little bit of morning sickness, but thank God that has been few and far between. I constantly feel like I might puke, but most of the time nothing happens. I am happy for that.

Matt has been beyond wonderful with this entire thing. He has kept the house spotless, taken care of the dogs, driven me to Sonic when I know he didn't want to. He is marvelous, despite his sometimes horrid choice of accessories.

So needless to say that is the biggest thing going on right now. Or the tiniest, depending on how you look at it ;) I have a lot of other stuff to say, but I thought I might as well get the major news out of the way first. Now I must simply continue to resist the urge to spend every dime I have on baby stuff. I have been assured that the day will soon arrive when that will no longer be optional :p

I think I'll keep him.

You just have to love a man who puts flowers on your desk before you wake up in the morning.
And he even grew them himself :)

I'm really enjoying your gardening endeavours, Matt. It makes the yard seem so much friendlier. I our little home, our little fur family, and I love you :-)