It me birthday yesterday!!

Thank you to everyone who sent birthday wishes my way in one way, shape or form yesterday. Mad props to Liz, who commented via the blog ;)

I had a great birthday. I sure all of you can guess that I was ready to kiss 27 goodbye and watch the door hit it in the ass on the way out, so needless to say, I was very excited about my birthday this year. 27 sucked. Hopefully 28 will be much better. 27 was full of heartache. It is a year that I will never forget mostly for negative reasons. Two failed pregnancies, dad's tumor, Matt's cancer, and a couple of deaths in the family are just the first things that pop into mind when I think about what has happened in my life since my 27th birthday. I could probably think of more sad stuff, but who wants to sit around and do that?

The point is, even though it sucked, I have learned a lot in the last year about happiness, love, gratitude, compassion and how to take what you life gives you and do the best that you can with it. There are a lot of things that have happenned that made me want to run for the hills and become a total recluse so that the world couldn't get me anymore. Even though it wasn't the best year ever, I am thankful to have lived through it and for having the chance to see strength and love in myself and the people around me. I always knew that it existed, but now I know better than before that it is solid, and knowing that is a good feeling. It's the only measure of safety I can have in this totally unpredictable world. When I think about all that I have learned this year, about appreciation, hidden strength, gratitude, sympathy, peace, and what is really important, using the word "thankful" seems trite.

Even though life often seems like an episode of "As The World Turns", I am ready for my next trip around the sun and the joy that I hope it brings. Happy Birthday to me :)



Celebrating with the family. Judging by the look on
Mamaw's face, I think I may have dropped an F-bomb
right before Matt shot this pic. Mamaw has started a new policy:
each time I say that word, it's costing me a quarter. Now
the economy is hitting me EXTRA hard :b


Heather remembered to bring the
Sesame Street shirt that says "Party
Animal" on the front, and "It me birthday"
on the back. I think I made her wear it
for two birthdays, so happy that she
remembered to carry on the tradition :)


With Waylon




Erin on balloon duty. I think she has a new
sympathy for Brenda now :) (sorry, inside
joke, but I couldn't resist.)

Chemo with a side of Blackberry

So, this is my first attempt at posting a blog entry from my Blackberry since I became the proud owner of a pretty, pink Blackberry last week. I am absolutely in love with this thing! I can get on the internet ANYWHERE!!!

I went out earlier to get us some lunch and now I've been sitting here for a while watching Matt sleep through his chemo. The nurse is changing the IV bags. All of this while I work on my blog. Multi-tasking just became pocket-sized. Technology is amazing, kids. :)

Stayed tuned for inevitable future entries about my development of carpal tunnel syndrome and possible family intervention for my Blackberry addiction. This thing is better than crack. Well, I've never done crack, but I can't imagine any non-living thing that could be more fun than this (right now, at least), and it is surely equally addictive. :)

Family Outing

I'm too tired and lazy to write. Matt is doing well. Enjoy the pictures from our trip to the zoo. We make such a lovely little blended family. I had a great time and hope to be able to do it again soon.

Hope all of you are well :)



John Mills (Matt's youngest brother, 9), Elena (my neice,
Gina's daughter, 3) and Matt (the best room mate I have
ever had :b, 27). The playground was SO cool.


We brought the wheelchair because Matt's
Neupogen shots make his bones hurt like
hell, it was 85 degrees and sunny, and
frankly, it just made me feel better to take
it and know that the chances of Matt hitting
the pavement would be lessened at least
50%. Immediately upon arrival at the zoo,
it became clear that the wheelchair would
be the kids' favorite attraction. We loaded
that thing like a pack mule, and never had
a shortage of ready volunteers to push. I'll never
take a bunch of kids to the zoo without one
again. It was a fuckin life saver. In this picture,
Lex is checking out (and bitching about) the
accessability of the zoo playground. The lady
behind him looks freaked out.



Elena gets a hand from Uncle Matt



Lex rides the artwork. He'll ride anything.



Me with Gina (sister-in-law, bff)



Matt making sure the kids walk the line.



John climbing the spider web thing. This
pole is WAY taller than it looks.



The whole crew, Minus Lex, at our post-playground/pre-
zoo picnic. (Someone has to take the pictures :b ) Elena,
Matt, John, Gina, Joe (my little bro) and me.



Elena with giant strawberry.



Elena crashing John into a trash can. They were helping
with picnic clean-up.



John forgot to bring gas money, so we put
his ass to work. Just kidding. Major thanks
to both little brothers, Joe and John. They
we ON TOP of the wheelchair pushing. They
should go into a wheelchair pushing business
together. Seriously.



And, we're off to the zoo :)



God, I love this kid. My baby Brandon girl.
*This lovely moment was later ruined when
Elena noticed that one elephant was catching
another elephants poop in it's mouth and
eating it.



Me: "This lion's ass is HOT!"
Elena: "Lion has a hot ass"
Me: "no, no, hiney, Honey, say hiney."



We LOVE the giant turtles!!



Looks like a damn good argument for evolution if you ask
me. :P



The mommy orangutan hangs out with her face smooshed
against the glass with the most pathetic "get me the hell
out of here" look on her face. It's heart-breaking.



Cotton candy/ice cream break #1



love



No. I was not the one who fed the monkey the azalea that
was in my hair.



You can see Elena's head in the bottom of this pic. She was
hell-bent on seeing baby giraffes and disappointed to find
out that there weren't any. She said, "No babies? That's
so sad." Lex replies, "It's not always sad for a couple not to
have babies. Some people don't want children for one reason
or the other." Lex, the constant teacher.



Last ice cream stop at the end of the day. Elena got a
Dora the Explorer ice cream thingy that looked a LOT
like Elena.

Maisy's New Home

Just a quick update tonight. Mom and Dad adopted my friend Manny's dog. Maisy is cute as a button, sweet as a doll, all that stuff. Mom is in love, my little brother is so happy to have a dog again, and Maisy and dad are bonding well. She took a seat at his feet as soon as she walked in. I think she has melted every heart in the house. I will admit, once I had her in my possession, I didn't want to give her to my parents, but they have been looking for a dog, and Maisy needed a home, and they are a perfect match.



Maisy meets dad.



Maisy likes sleeping with all of dad's other
stuff. His CD's, his weights, his cane. Works
out well because dad likes to dangle his leg
off of the bed and pet her with his feet :)



Maisy smiling at mom in the kitchen. Sorry, I have no
clue why this pic is so blurry or how to fix it. Maisy's
bed that she brought with her fits PERFECTLY into this
weird little notch in the hall where she can relax and still
see what's going on in the whole house. I think the space
originally made for a wood stove years ago, but now it
makes a lovely indoor dog house. :)



Exploring her new yard.

Thank you, Manny. Visit anytime :)

Open Ended

So, my blog is nearing the 1,000 hit mark, a very exciting thing for me :)

Weird thing is, I don't get a lot of comments and I feel like I don't even know most of my readers. So I thought that I would give you guys a chance to speak up. Feel free to leave a comment and tell me what you think of the blog, let me know how you found it, how I can improve it, ask me questions (which I will answer any reasonable ones) or give me some topics that you think I should write about.

I probably won't get many takers on this one, but thought it would be fun anyway :)

To leave an anonymous comment, click on the link below the blog post that says "(whatever number) comments", add your comments in the space provided, type in the captcha, scroll down, click "anonymous" and then click "submit".

Let's all vote!

Who thinks that I will pull my hair out before the chemo makes Matt's hair fall out? I'm voting Matt's hair might make it longer.

We went to Matt's chemo appt today only to find out that his white blood cells are too low to continue with chemo this week. We have to go in every day this week for a shot to try to stimulate Matt's bone marrow to make some fucking white cells. Of course, red cells have plummeted as well, so we'll be hanging out at the hospital Wednesday for Matt to get transfused with two units of packed red cells. This was not totally unexpected, but still a bump in the road, and a surprise.

On top of that, I had a doctors appointment today, and when I arrived I was told that I didn't have an appointment, regardless of the fact that I KNOW I spoke to a woman at the office and scheduled an appointment for today at most a week ago.

All this sets us up for a grand ol' time for the next two days. As luck would have it, (sorry if this is too much info, get over it, we're adults here) my yearly pelvic exam is scheduled for tomorrow. My regular doc rescheduled me with some doc in her office who I have never met. I see that doc tomorrow at 9 am for thyroid bloodwork, then at noon we have to be at Matt's doc to get the shot for his white cells, and at 1:30 I have to be at the gyno. I have a history of fainting during pelvic exams, so this should be fun. Then Wednesday we will have to be at the hospital at the ass crack of dawn and stay all day to get the red cells.

Sorry, I'm way less than chipper today. Pissed would be an understatement. And Matt, if you read this, it's not your fault, and I'd do it all again in a heartbeat. Love you.


Here are some pics from the last few days. I hate to leave on a sour note.


Matt and Fancy


Matt and me


Brenda (Matt's mom) and Matt


Matt with a look of hatred towards his water bottle


Matt is like camo in Elena's bedding :)


Elena and Gina


My precious Elena


This is what you get when you give a three year old a
camera.


Elena's best photo attempt

Alone at a table for two

Happy birthday Erin. Thank you for the feathers. Wish you were here. And like I've always said, please, help me remember you. I don't wanna get over you. :)