Earlier today I had to declare a household state of emergency when I realized that I was drinking THE LAST soda in the house. I am trying to quit smoking. If I am depriving my body of all these cigarette chemicals, I'll be damned if I am gonna torture myself by going without carbonated beverages. Screw that.
So I went to RiteAid, because it's close to the house and (warning: too much info starts here) they carry soda and something else that we are out of, KY.
I grabbed my 12 pack of Mountain Dew, and made my way back to the "family planning" section of the store. While looking at the gazillion personal lubricants that they have on the market these days, my eyes drifted a little too far, and I saw that they actually sell vibrators at RiteAid!!!
I'm not talking about a fingertip pleasure machine here. This thing was the real deal. Complete with a "natural contour design" and "discreet carrying pouch." It was manufactured by Durex, the same peeps that make the condoms. It was large. And to show that we have really stepped into a new era here, it was on the third shelf from the bottom, for all to reach, packaged in a bright purple and pink box, with a convenient "look at me!" flap that opened on the front of the box, so that you can take a look at the product.
Vibrator at RiteAid: $19.99
Temptation to buy it and see look on cashier's face: priceless.
I am not offended by this, but I am shocked as shit. I remember back when a woman's personal pleasure needs had to be taken care of via catalog or that sketchy store on Highway 25. It was great when Adam and Eve got and online store. Still, I never thought I would live to see that day when people were selling dildos less than 15 feet away from where my grandmother picks up her Lipitor.
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6 comments:
If you're going to shock the cashier by buying a vibe at Rite-Aid, you might as well do it right: plunk that sucker on the counter along with an armload of Vaseline, some chocolate milk, a feather duster, a stuffed monkey, magic markers, some air freshener spray, and a plunger. Throw in some blank videotapes if they have 'em. Then tell the cashier you're in a hurry because you've got a big night planned.
oh this is great. histerical! love your idea abi :)
You are disgusting!
they're gonna put my hush parties out of business. damn!
LOL!! You guys are hilarious :)
And, Matt, we all know who you are :P
we are all anxiously waiting your next blog entry!
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